Myths about Soul Mates

1. The relationship should be natural, easy and uncomplicated:

The truth is that all relationships take time, effort, commitment and energy. You need to make time for each other, to do fun things together, to work on communication, and to learn to negotiate and compromise.


2. The relationship should be conflict free:

Because we are individuals and unique we all disagree with other from time to time, so conflict is natural, and is not something to fear. In fact, conflict can force us to confront our differences, and to grow as individuals, and as couples too.


3. Soul mates are romantic:

Real life is not the movies, and love can be expressed in countless different ways, and still be genuine. Look out for all the signs that show your partner cares, and don’t be disappointed if they’re not “the stereotype”. Don’t try to force them to be someone they cannot be.

4. You should always see things the same way and have the same opinions, outlooks and beliefs:

You both have different backgrounds and your own ways of seeing the world, so you’re going to differ in the way you look at life. That does not have to be a problem – it’s healthy to be different, and approach things from different directions.

5. My soul mate will always like and love me:

Consideration, respect, and a concern for your partner are evidence of a loving relationship. However, being rude and disrespectful or irresponsible are not endearing qualities that build relationships. Instead, we need to give ourselves to others – as it’s not “all about me”.

TJ

Robert Fulghum, True Love

You want my opinion? 

We’re all a little weird. 

And life is a little weird. 

And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.

 

—  Robert Fulghum, True Love

T

Brain Networking

 

Researchers use brain scans to determine the mechanism behind cognitive control of thoughts
 
The human brain does not come with an operating manual. However, a group of scientists from UC Santa Barbara and the University of Pennsylvania have developed a way to convert structural brain imaging techniques into “wiring diagrams” of connections between brain regions.

Three researchers from UCSB’s Department of Psychological & Brain Sciences — Michael Miller, Scott Grafton and Matt Cieslak — used the structure of neural networks to reveal the fundamental rules that govern which parts of the brain are most able to exert cognitive control over thoughts and actions. This study is the first to provide a mechanistic explanation for how the frontal cortex exerts control over the trillions of individual neurons that allow people to stay focused on one task or switch to a radically different one. The findings appear in the journal Nature Communications.

“Particular regions of your brain are predisposed to control your thoughts based on where they lie in relation to other regions,” said Miller, a UCSB psychology professor and co-author of the paper. “The regions on the ‘outskirts’ can perform a very specific kind of control. They can move the system to distant states, like switching from working at your job to playing with your kids.”

This new research weds cutting-edge neuroscience with the emerging field of network science, which is often used to study social systems. By applying control theory — a field traditionally used to study electrical and mechanical systems — the investigators show that being on the outskirts of the brain is necessary for the frontal cortex to dynamically control the direction of thoughts and goal-directed behavior. 

“We need a basic theory of how the brain controls itself, and to get there, we suggest treating the brain as an engineering system,” said senior author Danielle Bassett, the Skirkanich Assistant Professor of Innovation in Penn’s School of Engineering and Applied Science. “Cognitive control is a lot like engineering control: You model the system’s dynamics by identifying key points; if I push on that one piece or pull this lever, I can offer a prediction of how it’s going to affect other parts of the network.”

By applying control theory equations to the wiring diagrams generated from brain scans, the researchers showed that the geographical and functional differences between regions of the brain are linked. While the analysis cannot say whether the frontal cortex’s location or its role evolved first, it suggests that part of the frontal cortex’s ability to control executive function depends on its distance from other parts of the brain network. 

“This study heralds a new wave of network science, grounded in rigorous control theory,” said co-author Grafton, director of UCSB’s Brain Imaging Center. “When applied to state-of-the-art brain imaging data we begin to see some of the design tradeoffs inherent in the architecture of brain connections.”

Regions that are most interconnected — and therefore more internal to the network — are very good at moving the brain into nearby states — for example, from writing someone an email to speaking with that person on the phone. “What’s particularly interesting if we look at where those inner nodes are, they’re all in ‘default mode’ regions, which are the regions that are active when you’re resting,” said Bassett, a former postdoctoral research associate in Grafton’s Action Lab at UCSB. “This makes sense, because if you were engineering an optimal system, you would want to put its baseline where it can get to most of the places it has to go pretty easily.”

According to co-author Cieslak, this type of holistic understanding of the relationship between brain regions’ locations and their roles is necessary for tailoring better treatments for people who have lost executive function due to disease or injury. He noted that such fundamental understanding of how the brain controls its activity could help lead to better interventions for medical conditions associated with reduced cognitive control, such as autism, schizophrenia or dementia.

TJ

One Reason So Few Find True Success

"atelophobia"

(noun) Atelophobia is defined as the fear of imperfection. Accompanied with the fear of imperfection also comes thoughts of comparison with others’ goals, accomplishments and expectations. Ultimately, it is the fear of “not being good enough.” Although sentiments of atelophobia are extremely natural, one should seek help, if these feelings plague their mind.

• etymology: Greek, ατελής atelès, meaning “imperfect” or “incomplete” and φόβος, phóbos, “fear”.

TJ

10 Traits of the Mentally Strong

1. They are able to stay calm, and maintain self-control.

2. They have clear boundaries between themselves and other people.

3. They respect their own and others’ boundaries.

4. They don’t become defensive, or feel completely crushed, when someone is critical of them or their work.

5. Where appropriate … they are able to take their fair share of the blame, and are quick to apologize when they are in the wrong.

6. They are flexible, and willing to adapt or change.

7. They know their limitations, and are happy to be helped.

8. They forgive themselves willingly – and then move on with life.

9. They don’t bear grudges, or play games with people’s feelings. 

10. They are responsible, persistent, and are people of their word.

TJ

7 Myths about Anxiety

1. Only weak people feel anxious and afraid

2. People who look confident don’t battle strong emotions

3. Anxiety is something that will plague you all your life

4. It will stop you from succeeding and achieving goals  you’ve set

5. If you can just avoid “those triggers” you will have a happy life

6. Most social situations will always provoke dread

7. It means that others see you as being inferior


TJ

Leadership Lessons I've Learned

Successful leaders bring up issues others avoid.

Discomfort with discomfort invites you to ignore issues you should address. 

You can’t engage in transformational conversations by ignoring things.

Don’t minimize negative patterns by offering comfort.

TJ

Success

The Inevabilities of Success

1. You will feel pain.


2. You will experience discouragement.


3. You will want to give up.

4. People won’t understand you.

5. People will criticize you.

6. People will walk away from, and reject, you.


7. You will feel it’s impossible to persevere.


8. You will want to give up - a million times.


9. You will think that you’re going crazy and are losing your mind.


10. It will all be worth it in the end.

TJ

Teamwork :)

TJ