Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Cognitive Development

Cognitive Development

            Cognitive abilities make available a way for us to handle the information that we receive from our senses. These processing abilities include how we determine what our actions should be, how we are able to compare one thing to another, remember past events, keeping what we learn in memory, evaluate things and situations, and analyze information in order to make decisions. There appears to be some instinctive element that is present within our cognitive functioning. The strength of the heredity argument is considered unsettled science at this time. However, Robert Plomin states, "The evidence for a strong genetic contribution to general cognitive ability is clearer than for any other area of psychology" (Davis, 2004). Genetics notwithstanding, most of the research available considers cognitive ability to be a learned skill/s.
            One of the key issues with cognitive development is when it does not occur as it should within the individual. Most development issues will have a direct impact on a person being able to learn, and these issues more often than not will need to be addressed and acted upon to help correct them to any degree. Cognitive functioning is not only side-tracked through developmental issues, it can also be affected by physical injury to the brain as well. No matter what the situation might be for an individual cognitive functioning, when not up to speed, can in many cases be brought closer to where it should be, and those with "normal" functioning can be taken to higher levels of learning.
Childhood Cognitive Development
            Many opinions and much research has been done in relation to cognitive development during the childhood years. Jean Piaget (1896-1980) posited that children, "are actively involved in their own cognitive development" (Jacobs, 2002). Piaget's theory of cognitive development was based on the idea that, "the mind, through its interaction with the environment, undergoes a series of metamorphoses...as children grow their brains achieve new and more advanced connections for different kinds of thinking" (Jacobs, 2002). Piaget's took his theory, based on assimilation and accommodation and delineated it into stages. He referred to the childhood years (from birth to 12 years old) as the sensorimotor stage, preoperational stage, and concrete operational stage. His final stage, formal operations, applied to those form 12 years old through adulthood. However, Piaget did not "corner the market" on childhood cognitive development. Others would follow his with ideas that were similar and that were somewhat contrary.
            The social-cognitive perspective is a type of hybrid approach to understanding childhood development that includes cognitive functioning. In more recent times, "Albert Bandura and others have demonstrated that much of what we know and do is acquired through the process of observational learning" (Duffy & Eastwood, 2005). What they mean here is that large portions of what is learned throughout childhood in particular, and life in general, is learned by watching other people model a behavior or activity without the learner receiving any reinforcer at the time the activity is observed. This makes the environment in which a child is raised a very important aspect of their cognitive development. As they grow and use the knowledge acquired from observational learning, the reinforcer not received at the point of learning will be present at the time of acting of what was learned. The outcome can be good or bad based on the information gathered during observation. One aspect of Bandura's idea is that repeated exposure to, "violence in films, television, video games, and other media not only desensitize us to violence but also induce violence in children and adults" (Duffy & Eastwood, 2005). Thinking about how behavior patterns have seemingly disintegrated over time should cause someone to pause after reading this last statement. How true does it ring?
Adolescence and Cognitive Development
            Cognitive development as defined in the opening portion of this paper could also be amended to include the ability to think and reason. During the childhood years, the cognitive development process (ability to think) becomes, as Piaget would say "concrete." However, when adolescence is reached a more complex form of cognition begins including reason, abstract thinking, and comparative thinking.
            Cognitive change does not happen overnight. The cognitive function changes that occur all along the lifespan occur slowly, but never does it seem as slow, at least to the person in process, than it does during the adolescent years (12-18 years old). The change during these years, unlike Piaget's spurts of growth during childhood, is more along the lines of the, "information-processing perspective (that) sees changes in cognitive abilities as gradual transformations in the capacity to take in, use, and store information" (Feldman, 2003). Education during these years is vital (assuming the educators are proceeding properly) to cognitive growth. It is during these years that, "people organize their thinking about the world, develop strategies for dealing with new situations, sort facts, and achieve advances in memory capacity and perceptual abilities" (Feldman, 2003). This information should make us keenly aware of the importance of what a person is taught at this stage of life.
            "Many developmentalists find middle schools to be developmentally regressive - they force children to step backward" (Berger, 2011). What does this mean in terms of cognitive development? "Long-term academic trajectories - the choice to stay in school or to drop out and the selection in high school of academic college-prep courses versus basic-level courses - are strongly influenced by experience in grades 6-8" (Berger, 2011).  It should be accurate to suggest that this is the point of cognitive growth that the phenomena of evaluation apprehension (Cottrell) arises. Why is this important? Evaluation apprehension, "concern for how others are evaluating us" (Myers, 2010) can help or hurt a person's cognitive progress by altering how much effort they put forth to grow cognitively based on how they feel about being evaluated, and to some extent those evaluating them. This, in my opinion, is but one point of many as to why standardized testing is not good for most people during this stage of life or anytime for that matter.
            While addressing the education aspect of cognitive development, omitting the technological component would leave out one of the most relative aspects of cognitive development at this stage of life. The internet, cell phones, and video games tend to eat away at the day. They are time-killers to put it mildly. There could be the usual discussion about how to properly use the internet, what is appropriate to send in a text message, and what video game rating is too explicit for someone of this age bracket. However, these things pale in comparison to two other sinister outcomes of using these tools and games. Sleep deprivation and addiction are concerns that all parents should have when it comes to using these mediums. The Mayo Clinic posted a report about adolescent sleep issues that is very pertinent to this discussion,
            "Most teens need about nine hours of sleep a night — and sometimes more — to   maintain optimal daytime alertness. But few teens actually get that much sleep regularly,        thanks to factors such as part-time jobs, early-morning classes, homework,   extracurricular activities, social demands, and use of computers and other electronic             gadgets. More than 90 percent of teens in a recent study published in the Journal of           School Health reported sleeping less than the recommended nine hours a night. In the       same study, 10 percent of teens reported sleeping less than six hours a night.
            Although this might seem like no big deal, sleep deprivation can have serious         consequences. Tired teens can find it difficult to concentrate and learn, or even stay     awake in class. Too little sleep also might contribute to mood swings and behavioral problems. Another major concern is drowsy driving, which can lead to serious — even             deadly — accidents" (Mayo Clinic, 2011).
Lack of sleep can inhibit information intake that in turn can leave gaps in learning. The gaps can be stumbling blocks in the cognitive development future of the person who allows games to keep them from sleeping enough.
            The other issue, addiction, can be just as, if not more, devastating in terms of cognitive development. Like sleep deprivation, "Addiction of any kind limits life experience, with the harm especially severe when the brain is still growing" (Berger, 2011). Does the brain grow throughout adolescence? It does continue to grow, and a quick glance at the physiological aspects of brain development reinforce the warning of Berger, "The final stage is synaptogenesis, or the formation of synapses. Although the process (brain growth) begins before birth, it continues throughout life as neurons form new synapses and discard old ones" (Kalat, 2009). With limits on life experiences and improper brain functioning (due to the fact the prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until a person is in their early 20s), it would make cognitive development much more difficult at best or non-existent at worse.
            Leaving the negative side of adolescence, can there be healthy ways to address cognitive development? Robert J. Sternberg, in his resume that was posted on the Yale website recorded one of the best short descriptions of, not only his study of intelligence, but a great map to help understand how to maximize cognitive growth,
" My research is motivated primarily by a theory of successful intelligence, which attempts to account for the intellectual sources of individual differences that enable people to achieve success in their lives, given the socio-cultural context in which they live. Successfully intelligent people discern their strengths and weaknesses, and then figure out how to capitalize on their strengths, and to compensate for or remediate their weaknesses. Successfully intelligent individuals succeed in part because they achieve a functional balance among a "triarchy" of abilities: analytical abilities, which are used to analyze, evaluate, judge, compare and contrast; creative abilities, which are used to create, invent, discover, imagine; practical abilities, which are used to apply, utilize, implement, and activate. Successfully intelligent people are not necessarily high in all three of these abilities, but find a way effectively to exploit whatever pattern of abilities they may have. Moreover, all of these abilities can be further developed. A fundamental idea underlying this research is that conventional notions of intelligence and tests of intelligence miss important kinds of intellectual talent, and overweigh what are sometimes less important kinds of intellectual talent" (University of Oregon, 2001).
Sternberg is quite an intelligent man, and his contributions to the inner-workings of cognitive functioning are very helpful. His insights can help parents understand the role "true" intelligence plays in the life of their teenager, and from there the parents should be able to help foster cognitive growth in their teenager. Although intelligence and cognitive ability are not exactly the same, they are inter-related and inter-twined to the point that improvement in one should have a positive effect on the other. Cognitive ability can be, in most people, improved (fluidly) to a mature point (of crystallized intelligence). So, therefore a discussion of intelligence is relevant to the overall idea of this paper. So, in transition to adulthood, find the words of Sternberg from an audio transcript of an interview in which he "defines intelligence" in a most interesting way,
            "I prefer to refer to it as "successful intelligence." And the reason is that the emphasis is    on the use of your intelligence to achieve success in your life.   So I define it as your skill        in achieving whatever it is you want to attain in your life within your socio-cultural   context-Meaning that people have different goals for themselves, and for some it's to get      very good grades in school and to do well on tests, and for others it might be to become a             very good basketball player or actress or musician. So, it's your skill in obtaining what       you want in life within your socio-cultural context [which] means that if you want to be      an axe murderer it wouldn't count--by capitalizing on your strengths and compensating       for, or correcting, your weaknesses. And what that means is that people differ in their   personal profiles. Some people are good at one thing; some are good at another thing.               And if you look at people who attain success by their own standards, they're generally      people who found something they do really well. And it can be very different things for         different people. For some, it's doing well on IQ tests, or SATs. For others it might be   playing basketball. For others it might be being a politician.   So they capitalize on their        strengths. And the things that they don't do so well-They find ways either to             compensate, meaning that they perhaps have someone else do the things they don't do      well, or they have them done by electronic means or whatever. Or correcting their       weaknesses- They make themselves better at whatever it is they didn't do so well, by         adapting to, shaping and selecting environments, which means that some of the time you change yourself to fit the environment. That's adaptation. So if you started a new job or a             new relationship, part of the time you change yourself to fit the job or to fit the      relationship. And shaping means that part of the time you change the environment that is.       So you might try to modify the job to make it a better fit to you, or you might try to   change the relationship to make it more what you hoped it would be.   And selection          means that sometimes you just get out.   Being successfully intelligent means knowing      when you're in the wrong place at the wrong time--the wrong job, the wrong relationship,           the wrong place to live---Um, through a combination of analytical, creative and practical       abilities. You need creative skills to come up with ideas; you need analytical abilities to     know whether they're good ideas-to evaluate the ideas-and you need practical abilities to     make your ideas work and to persuade other people that your ideas are worth listening to.              So that's the definition" (Plucker, 2003).
                                                            Adult Cognitive Development
Emerging Adults
            Often defined in terms of those who are ages 18-25 this period of life seems to have as much, if not more, in terms of cognitive development potential. This is also the beginning of the, "postformal thought" stage of life that, "originated because several developmentalists agreed that Piaget's fourth stage, formal operational thought, was inadequate to describe adult thinking" (Berger, 2011). However, when discussing cognitive development is there any real development? Do adults acquire "new" intellectual capabilities? The answer could be no. If that is the case then, "adulthood has no stages" (Berger, 2011). Maybe, maybe not?
            Emerging adulthood reveals quite a bit of evidence for continued cognitive growth. One of the first things one might notice is the ability to combine the subjective with the objective. Subjectivity being emotionally driven based on the perceptions of life events, and objectivity being the way things really are (intellectual and logical in nature) sometimes need to be combined to make informed decisions in adulthood. "Without this consolidation of intellect and emotion, behavioral extremes...or cognitive extremes (such as believing that one is the best or the worst person on Earth) are common" (Berger, 2011).
            The most important (as some consider it) cognitive advancement usually comes into play during this stage of life. The ability to, "consider a thesis and its antithesis simultaneously and arrive at a synthesis" (Berger, 2011) is called dialectical thought, and it is often considered the pinnacle of all cognitive development. There is one caveat to the synthesis arrived at employing this type of thought process, sometimes one should not strive to create a synthesis. Some things in life are separated into thesis/antithesis for a reason. Truth and non-truth cannot be synthesized into something that has objective meaning. If something is objectively true, it implies that anything opposite (antithetical) to it is false, and no amount of synthesis can  blend the two. However, not to take the discussion too deep, if I say chocolate ice cream is the best, and you say vanilla ice cream is the best, I have formed a thesis and you have formed an antithesis. Who is right? Dialectical thought would enable us to agree that both are very good in spite of the fact that I prefer chocolate and you prefer vanilla.
            There are other areas that come into play in emerging adult cognitive development. Gender differences tend to become clearer based on how each processes role ideas. Faith also becomes something to struggle with during this time for many people.
Middle Adulthood
            Basic adulthood spans the ages of 25-40 (or even up to 65 in some opinions). The references from Sternberg are equally as applicable here as they were in the section on adolescence. IQ tends to be the big focus of those who study cognitive development during these years.
            The most notable part of cognitive development during these years is not the new information that these people will acquire, but utilization of what they have learned. "People in their forties and fifties are better at solving problems that require the use of a store of practical knowledge" (Davis, 2004). The reason for this is that, "when middle adulthood is reached, considerable information concerning everyday problems and ways to solve them has been accumulated" (Davis, 2004).
            It is often cited that as people age their IQ declines. Nettleback and Rabbit (1992) suggested that, "poorer performance on IQ tests may be the result of physical rather than cognitive changes" (Feldman, 2003). Why was the decline determined to be physical and not cognitive? It was suggested as such because of the slower reaction times present in people as they age. So, just because some is older and slower does not necessarily mean they have dropped in cognitive functioning.
Late Adulthood
            From a cognitive point of view, at this stage of life, "fluid intelligence begins a gradual decline...whereas crystallized intelligence continues to increase gradually" (Davis, 2004). Why is this the case when people reach late adulthood? The evidence suggests, "as we grow older, we begin to experience difficulties in successfully encoding new material" (Davis, 2004). More recent studies show that there is a decline in memory as well as encoding. Mather and Carstensen (2005) suggests if there is a motivating cognitive factor present it will often have a positive effect on attention and memory. They begin the study by confirming how control over cognitive processes declines with age,
            "Perhaps the most widely acknowledged psychological change with age is the decline in   cognitive processes, especially memory. However, not all cognitive processes decline             with age – not even all types of memory. One general characterization is that older adults     have impaired cognitive control that is associated with deterioration in prefrontal brain          regions. Thus, older adults show deficits on attention and memory tasks that require the       generation and maintenance of internal strategies rather than just reliance on external         cues. For example, explicit recall of words studied a few minutes previously was shown       to decline across a four-year period whereas implicit memory of recently studied words   did not show a decline with age" (Mather & Laura, 2005).
The up-side to this study was that older adults improve in the area of emotional control, "In contrast with the declines seen in cognitive control, age does not impair emotional control.
Compared with younger adults, older adults report that they focus more on self-control of
their emotions and rate their emotion regulation skills as better" (Mather & Laura, 2005).
            The down-side to the whole discussion of aging and cognitive ability consists in the ailments that arise as people age. The most common issue older adults deal with is depression that is usually brought about by the, "death of spouses and friends...declining health...which may rob older people of their sense of control" (Feldman, 2003).
            Other cognitive bearing issues that arise at this stage of life are dementia "the most common mental disorder of the elderly" (Feldman, 2003), and Alzheimer's disease, "a progressive brain disorder that produces loss of memory and confusion" (Feldman, 2003). It has been published that, "almost 50% of people over the age of 85 are affected by Alzheimer's disease" (Feldman, 2003).
            Cognitive is fleeting thing as we age. No matter what type of spin the researchers might put on it cognitive development builds from birth to middle adulthood and then begins its decent. Does life really matter after age 85? If we pass 85yrs old will we be cognizant enough to know or even care? The moral of the cognitive process is for each person to maximize their abilities while they have the ability to do so.
            At this point, the words of Solomon seem apropos,
            Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and    the years draw near when you will say, “I have no delight in them”; before the sun and    the light, the moon and the stars are darkened, and clouds return after the rain; in the day          that the watchmen of the house tremble, and mighty men stoop, the grinding ones stand    idle because they are few, and those who look through [a]windows grow dim; and the          doors on the street are shut as the sound of the grinding mill is low, and one will arise at   the sound of the bird, and all the daughters of song will [b]sing softly. Furthermore, [c]men are afraid of a high place and of terrors on the road; the almond tree blossoms, the     grasshopper drags himself along, and the caperberry is ineffective. For man goes to his          eternal home while mourners go about in the street. Remember Him before the silver          cord is [d]broken and the golden bowl is crushed, the pitcher by the well is shattered and    the wheel at the cistern is crushed; then the dust will return to the earth as it was, and the    [e] spirit will return to God who gave it. “ Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher, “all is        vanity!” (Ecclesiastes 12:1-8, NASB).
                                                                        Conclusion
            Application of the information contained within this paper is and will be useful in any endeavor. For me this information is useful in my current situation as someone who teaches, shares, preaches, and sings about the Good News of Jesus Christ. How, you may ask? It is very simple to explain how it is useful. When it comes to helping others come to know Jesus Christ I have wisdom in the words of the man I consider to be the "last great theologian,"
"
Every generation of Christians has this problem of learning how to speak meaningfully to its own age. It cannot be solved without an understanding of the changing existential situation which it faces. If we are to communicate the Christian faith effectively, therefore, we must know and understand the thought forms of our own generation. These will differ slightly from place to place, and more so from nation to nation. Nevertheless there are characteristics of an age such as ours which are the same wherever we happen to be" (Schaeffer, 1968).

Works Cited

Berger, K. S. (2011). Developing a person through the life span. New York, NY: Worth Publishers.
Davis, S. F. (2004). Psychology (4th ed.). Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Pearson Education.
Duffy, K. G., & Eastwood, A. (2005). Psychology for Living: Adjustment Growth and Behavior Today (8th ed.). Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Pearson.
Feldman, R. S. (2003). Development Across the Life Span (3rd ed.). Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Pearson Education.
Jacobs, D. (2002). Psychology: Brain Behavior and Popular Culture (4th ed.). Dubuque, Iowa: Kendall/Hunt Publishing.
Kalat, J. W. (2009). Biological Psychology (10th ed.). Belmont, California: Wadsworth.
Mather, M., & Laura, C. (2005). Aging and motivated cognition: the positivity effect in attention and memory. TRENDS in Cognitive Sciences , IX (10), 496-502.
Mayo Clinic, S. (2011, August 4). Teen Sleep: Why is your teen so tired. Retrieved April 30, 2012, from Mayo Clinic Health Information: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/teens-health/CC00019
Myers, D. G. (2010). Social Psychology (3rd ed.). New York: Mc Graw Hill Publishing.
Plucker, J. A. (2003). Human intelligence: Historical influences, current controversies, teaching resources. Retrieved April 27, 2012, from Human intelligence: http://www.indiana.edu/~intell/sternberg_interview.shtml
Schaeffer, F. A. (1968). Escape From Reason. Downers Grove, Illinois, USA: Inner-Varsity Press.
University of Oregon, S. (2001, April 17). Theories of Intelligence. Retrieved April 28, 2012, from Oregon Technology in Education Council: http://otec.uoregon.edu/intelligence.htm


Effective Parenting Part 1

Being an effective parent is one of the most important aspects to successfully raising children. It is the foundation for the next generation. Effective parenting helps to influence children in a positive way, and enable them to effectively interact with the world around them. A brief look around today reveals that not having a proper foundation will most often lead to a child being confused and unable to interrelate successfully with others. This makes even trying to be an effective parent a very important role for both mom and dad. The key to becoming the effective parents we want to be is knowing what being effective looks like, and to know what to expect from our children. Knowing what to watch for in ourselves and in our children is paramount to mapping out a profitable strategy for parenting success.
Summary of Effective Parenting Styles
            There are many ways and even more combinations of ways to fulfill the role of parent. The voices clamoring for the attention of parents with young children are mind boggling. However one approaches child rearing, there are a some broad categories that can help shed light, in a general way, on parenting styles. The similarities will be obvious, but to first we to highlight the differences. Diana Baumrind suggested the styles identified in this section, and noted there are some important dimensions to understand before proceeding to the descriptions.
How the Styles Differ
1. Expressions of warmth. Some parents are warm and affectionate; others, cold and critical.
2. Strategies for discipline. Parents vary in whether and how they explain, criticize, persuade, ignore, and punish.
3. Communication. Some parents listen patiently; others demand silence.
4. Expectations for maturity. Parents vary in degree of responsibility and self-control they expect from their children.
Here is a brief listing of Baumrind's basic parenting styles,
The authoritative parenting style
            First, this style of parenting places high demands on the child, and expects the child to respond in an unquestioning manner. It has been aptly described in this statement,
Control is achieved via the use of firm but fair reasoning as a base for 'moderately' open negotiations along with positive reinforcement. Just like the authoritarian parents, the authoritative parents' control is firm and standards of behavior is are high. The difference is that authoritative parents are not 'keeping' their children down or restricting them as a sort of preventive measure for bad behavior. The authoritative parents strive towards letting their children live out their potentials but within an overall controlled framework. authoritative parents recognize that a child needs to have a degree of say but will always make sure to have the final word. In this way they strive to balance a child's need for autonomy and their own need for discipline and control. Authoritative parents use praise and positive attention as a way to make their child 'want to' behave well: "If I behave and do well, I will get positive attention and affection!" Authoritative parents make an effort to understand their child and teach them how to understand their own feelings, think of ways to solve problems and encourage them to follow independent but still norm supportive ways (Birgitte, 2007).
So what does the outcome look like for the authoritative parent?  When the parents employ praise along with fair rules, and they do it in a caring way, the child will learn that obeying the parents is something that makes them feel good.
The permissive parenting style
Children often respond to this type of parenting, but not always in a productive manner because of the lack of parental rules and expectations about the child's behavior. The parent basically just lets the child make the rules.
Permissive parents believe in the autonomy of the individual. The world is seen as a free place filled with opportunities just waiting to be seized. Permissive parents believe in responding to their children's desires in an accepting and affective manner. The child is viewed as a 'child' and is not expected to behave according to 'mature' or 'adult' standards. Traditional child discipline and rigid rules of conduct are seen as restrictive of a child's natural development and free, independent thinking. Children are perceived as equals and are included in decision making processes and are encouraged to communicate and discuss rather than just obey. Permissive parents dislike and tend to avoid confrontations and the overt use of power to shape and regulate their kids behavior (Birgitte, 2007).
Because of the lack of demands on the child they are prone to try and behave as though they are adults, and the lack of understanding they experience can lead to uncontrolled and troubled behavior. Primarily these issues arise because the child simply does not know "how" to behave.
The authoritarian parenting style
            The authoritarian parent may seem to be in control, but the control is often short lived. They demand strict obedience to the demands they place on the child. When compliance to the rules is violated there can often be harsh consequences, even for breaking seemingly insignificant rules.
The authoritarian parents are conservative, conformist and norm abiding. Rigidity, harshness and predictability create a desired sense of being in control. Traditional roles and values are to be followed unquestionably. There are strict rules of child conduct. Misbehavior is considered a serious threat to the much cherished established order. The authoritarian parents see the world in only black and white, good or bad, right or wrong etc. This means that there is a lot of judgment and evaluation. A child is either good or bad, well-behaved or naughty. Children are often looked upon with critical eye. They are basically perceived as non-equals, and sometimes even subconsciously perceived as enemies that pose a threat to order of things and therefore must be kept down. Rules and orders are not explained but are to be obeyed instantly and unquestionably. Discussion such as give and take dialogue is not encouraged. Praise and reward are potentially dangerous because of the idea that they may lead to children becoming 'too full of themselves' and consequently developing too much autonomy and straying off the 'good' path (Birgitte, 2007).
For the authoritarian parent, having a child that basically behaves as an adult is the picture of obedience. Children are not equipped to behave in an adult manner, and this model is often a blueprint for disaster. However, the redeeming take away from this style could be that this type of parent is more likely to teach children tasks that help with the organization of the household. This type of learning can have a significant effect on the self-esteem (feeling of accomplishment) of the child.
Common Behavioral Problems for Children Under 6
            Behavioral problems for children can be classified in several ways. Each classification focuses on behavioral issues native to the classification type.
Clinical Problems, including Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
             These types of issues are often typified by inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. These disorders are often found to accompany other issues, most typically conduct issues.
Oppositional Problems
            These issues include defiant, angry, annoying, non-compliant, and sometimes aggressive behavior.
Emotional Problems
            Emotional problems include anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. Often exemplified in the child through emotional issues including those issues dealing with rapid development during these years.
Eating and Feeding Problems
            Seen in pattern changes of eating/feeding. Often accompanied by thriving issues.
(Rutter, Bishop, Pine, Stevenson, Taylor, & Thapar, 2008)
Parenting Tips
            There are many opinions about how to be an effective parent, and how to raise children the "right" way. Below you will find a practical list of things that will help you be, not only an effective parent but a successful one as well.
1. Show Your  Love - Make sure expressions of affection outnumber expressions of punishments
2. Affirm You Child - As they grow and develop their personality traits, do not expect them to behave just like you
3. Minimize rules...in the early years - Overloading a child with a long list of rules only leads to frustration for all. Prioritize rules, and add new ones slowly and incrementally
4. Prevent temper tantrums - They will occur, your job is to help reduce frequency and intensity
5. Know your child's limits - They may be acting out because they simply do not understand what you expect from them
6. Explain how to follow the rules - Don't just say stop, but work to defuse a situation
7. Offer choices when possible - Let them help make some of the small decisions
(Mayo Clinic Staff, 2012)
The CDC also offers some very useful tips for raising children under the age of 6.
1. Read to your child
2. Let your child help with simple chores
3. Encourage your child to play with other children. This helps them to learn the value of sharing and friendship
4. Be clear and consistent when disciplining your child
5. Explain and model, or show them the behavior you expect
6. Help them to develop their language skills by speaking to them in complete sentences
7. Help your child work through the steps to solve problems when they become upset
8. Give your child a limited number of simple choices at times when they can have input (For example, when they get dressed, when to play, what to have for a snack)
There is some overlap between the items in the lists, but the slight differences make them both relevent to understand.









Works Cited

Andersen, M., & Taylor, H. (2008). Sociology, Understanding a Diverse Society (4th Edition        ed.). Belmont, CA: Thompson Higher Education.
Berger, K. S. (2011). Developing a person through the life span. New York, NY: Worth    Publishers.
Birgitte. (2007). Practical advice & Deep thoughts. Retrieved March 28, 2012, from Positive        Parenting Ally: http://www.positive-parenting-ally.com/ 3-parenting-styles.html
CDC. (2012, March 16). Child Deveolpment. Retrieved March 29, 2012, from Division of            Human Deveolpment and Disabilities: www.cdc.gov/childdeveolpment
Rutter, M., Bishop, D., Pine, S., Stevenson, J., Taylor, E., & Thapar, A. (2008). Rutter's Child       and Adolescent Psychiatry (5th ed.). Malden, Massachusetts, USA: Blackwell Publishing.
Staff, M. C. (2012). Infant and Toddler Help. Retrieved March 28, 2012, from Mayo Clinic          Health Information: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/parenting-tips-for- toddlers/MY00480


Premarital Counseling


Premarital Counseling

Finding ways to begin this writing has proven to be a challenge. The point of the paper is to discuss several aspects concerning how to handle a young couple (emerging adults) that enter into premarital counseling. This is to be followed by speculating about the same couple coming back for counseling, having been married for 10 years, and to discuss what types of conflicts would lead them back into counseling at the ten year mark in their marriage.
Before diving into a detailed discussion, at least semi-detailed, covering these areas there must be some clarification regarding two basic, yet critical, ideas.
Emerging Adults
So many people have so many definitions concerning how the lifespan should be grouped on the basis of years. Although they a similar, there seems to be no exact standard that all who study lifespan development adhere to at this point in time. The more generalized grouping based on stage of life seems to have utilitarian value, and it leaves room for the human development factor. 
Psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, PhD, "describes emerging adulthood as the time from the end of adolescence to the young-adult responsibilities of a stable job, marriage, and parenthood" (Munsey, 2006). Also contained within this article is a great description of what those years, emerging adulthood, look like, or more precisely how they can be defined.
Five Features of Emerging Adults
            Arnett defines emerging adulthood in this manner:
1.       Age of identity exploration. Young people are deciding who they are and what they want out of work, school and love.
2.      Age of instability. The post-high school years are marked by repeated residence changes, as young people either go to college or live with friends or a romantic partner. For most, frequent moves end as families and careers are established in the 30s.
3.      Age of self-focus. Freed of the parent- and society-directed routine of school, young people try to decide what they want to do, where they want to go and who they want to be with--before those choices get limited by the constraints of marriage, children and a career.
4.      Age of feeling in between. Many emerging adults say they are taking responsibility for themselves, but still do not completely feel like an adult.
5.      Age of possibilities. Optimism reigns. Most emerging adults believe they have good chances of living "better than their parents did," and even if their parents divorced, they believe they'll find a lifelong soul mate.
(Munsey, 2006)
It seems as though the people described in this list have very high expectations concerning life. The people who make up this group may desire to have things such as a high paying job and a meaningful relationship that lasts forever, but the statistics ringing out all around us tell us of the harsh reality of life. Arnett says, "many might be headed for disappointment, he says, noting that most employers simply want someone who can get a job done and almost half of all marriages end in divorce... If happiness is the difference between what you expect out of life and what you actually get, a lot of emerging adults are setting themselves up for unhappiness because they expect so much " (Munsey, 2006).
Premarital Counseling Defined
The Mayo Clinic provides a great definition that helps to clarify what premarital counseling should accomplish,
"Premarital counseling is a type of therapy that helps couples prepare for marriage. Premarital counseling can help ensure that you and your partner have a strong, healthy relationship — giving you a better chance for a stable and satisfying marriage. Premarital counseling can also help you identify weaknesses that could become bigger problems during marriage" (Staff, 2011).
Having defined emerging adults and premarital counseling it is time to move on to discussing the types of issues and conflicts emerging adults might exhibit prior to marriage.
Conflicts and Issues
Conflicts can come from many directions, and issues can crop up in very unexpected ways. Emerging adults are considered to be at the pinnacle of health. Berger writes concerning health at this stage, "all body systems are at their peak" (Berger, 2011). This loosely means that, in relation to health, "it doesn't get any better than this."
However, with a couple at this stage of life there is also a high probability that sexual relations will be on their minds, and with the casual attitudes toward premarital sex they are likely to engage in this activity prior to marriage. The irony here is that STI/STD (sexually transmitted illness or disease) infections flourish in the realm of premarital sex. Contracting a STI can prove to be devastating to someone in this group because health of the mate is a major factor for most in the selection of their mate.
Most people are serial monogamists meaning, "they prefer to have one  intimate relationship at a time" (Berger, 2011). Even casual sex with someone outside the bounds of marriage can, "trigger attachment issues" (Berger, 2011) that can come back to the surface when someone decides on a "mate for life" who happens to be someone other than the person with whom they had a casual sexual relationship. It does not help these matters that among emerging adults there is a, "disconnect between pregnancy and child-birth" (Berger, 2011).
Lifestyle choices can be a huge issue when two decide to become one through marriage. Prior to, and during the first few years of emerging adulthood, drug abuse begins its climb to peak usage which usually occurs, "between the ages 18 and 25" (Berger, 2011). When one partner is dealing with drug abuse issues the stress on the relationship can derail the marriage in short order.
Young couples can also experience difficulty with finances due to the emerging years being a time of career discovery. Until a career is established, meeting the financial demands of life is often difficult. Financial problems within marriage are said to be one of the top reasons most couples divorce. Heading financial problems off prior to marriage is a much better way to enter into marriage.
Another big source of stress might be old friends of the opposite sex. Even if the man or the woman involved is of no romantic interest, those looking in from the outside will usually assume "romantic involvement" (Berger, 2011). These types of friendships are generally susceptible to the dangers of infidelity even after years of exclusive platonic relations.
Ten Years Later
The same couple that came in seeking premarital counseling now returns. What issues might one expect to encounter when they arrive? The presenting problems can be all over the map so-to-speak, but normally they tend to group themselves around a few central themes.
As life continues, the body continues to change. Physical appearance changes, body shape changes, and sexual responsiveness changes. All of these items can contribute to extra-marital affairs.
Birth of children, deaths of friends and family members, job changes, and health issues can all contribute to a mountain of stress. If it is not dealt with in a positive manner, stress can lead to anger, isolation, and/or resentment. All of these outcomes only contribute to the disintegration of the relationship between the husband and wife.
Financial issues can contribute to marital strife, and these issues can arise in ways that are out of the control of either party in the relationship.
How to Address Issues and Conflicts
No matter what problem exists between two people, the preferable outcome is, or at least should be, resolution of the issue/s. From the perspective of a pastor, there are many plans and programs available to help resolve marriage issues, and some are junk. However, no amount of counseling or conflict resolution will work without both parties willing to work together through their issues.
Ron Edmondson provides a basic plan to assist with helping couples that I incorporate when they come to see me prior to marriage, or even after many years of marriage. Edmonson describes seven principles that are beneficial to every couple whether married or getting married,
1. You are different – Opposites do tend to attract. Each spouse is not only differently physically, but there are differences in backgrounds, outlook on life and the way to approach a situation. This is not intended as a curse against marriage. God designed those differences for a reason. The more a couple learns to celebrate those differences, the stronger a marriage will become.
2. Leave and cleave – Don’t let either set of in-laws dictate how you lead your new family. Decide in advance that no one, related or otherwise, is going to be a wedge between you two. Every couple has lots of other relationships, including perhaps children someday, but none of them should be allowed to interfere with the oneness God intends to create with the marriage.
3. Expect surprises – Life won’t always be as blissful as it is today. There will be hard days, whether self-induced or life-induced. Life brings changes and those times have the ability to catch even the best marriages off guard if not prepared for them. We can never be fully prepared for what might come, but we can prepare ourselves that when something comes, whatever it is and no matter how hard it is, that we will handle it . Couples should use these times to improve the strength of their marriage rather than allow them to pull the marriage apart.
4. Make a commitment to the marriage no matter what – Couples usually assume they are doing this by standing at the altar together, but statistics would say otherwise. Many times these days a person is saying “I’m committed until it becomes difficult or until the love we have today fades.” That’s not the Biblical picture of marriage God designed. Marriage is more than simply a feeling of love, it is a commitment to love…for better or worse…from this day forward. Verbalizing and agreeing to that on the front end, and continuing to remind yourself of that through the difficult days, will help the marriage last. Couples who should ask for help soon, not letting problems in the marriage linger too long without asking for help. Remove the fear of asking for professional counseling if necessary. It would be better to get help early than to see the marriage disintegrate beyond repair.
5. Model after the right couples – I encourage couples to find a couple whose marriage they admire and follow them closely. Most likely they have some stories to share. Things may not have been as wonderful throughout their marriage as they are today. No doubt they have learned some practices to having a strong marriage. I challenge couples to learn all they can from the couple they want to be like.
6. Evaluate often – Couples should ask  themselves often, are we growing together as a couple or further apart? Is the marriage growing stronger or are there holes that need addressing? Don’t assume your spouse feels as you do. (I’ve learned this is especially true for men who often don’t know there is a problem until it’s a big problem.) Establish the understanding early in the relationship that you have the right to periodically check on the state of your marriage.
7. Put Christ first – This is the one most couples expect the pastor to say, but it’s not just the preacher answer, it’s the best secret to a lasting marriage. “A chord of three strands is not easily broken.” A couple’s individual and collective relationship with Christ will ensure they can endure the hardest days of a marriage. When the relationship with Christ suffers, the marriage will often suffer. Satan looks for any excuse to destroy the marriage. Pour your heart and life into Christ and let Him strengthen and sustain your marriage.
(Edmondson, 2011)
All of these principles may not apply in every counseling situation as they pertain to my area of
ministry, but adaptation can be done in order to make them useful to some degree in most settings.
The key to maintaining healthy and successful long-term relationships whether they be marital, parent-child, business, or casual friendships is trust. Cloud and Townsend, in their book 21 Days to a Great Marriage, share three elements that are needed to help build trust in the marriage relationship. The first element is, "No risk, no trust" (Cloud & Townsend, 2006). You must share your thoughts and feelings with your partner, and become vulnerable to the point of expressing your fears, doubts, and even those "parts of yourself that you are ashamed of or you wish were not there" (Cloud & Townsend, 2006).
Second, you must "welcome" or "appreciate the effort and humility of your partner for the sake of the relationship" (Cloud & Townsend, 2006). In welcoming your partner you include extending unlimited grace to them. You do not always have to condone or agree with your partner, but return the grace given to you when you are vulnerable with them.
Third, you must be trustworthy or "take your partner's investment in you very seriously and that you will not do anything to break the trust between you" (Cloud & Townsend, 2006).
Cloud and Townsend finish this section of the book with a passage that is valuable for all to remember,
"Without risk, you will never know if you can trust your mate. Without welcome, you will simply detach or pretend. Without trustworthiness, you will not believe the welcome is real" (Cloud & Townsend, 2006).

Works Cited

Berger, K. S. (2011). Developing a person through the life span. New York, NY: Worth    Publishers.
Cloud, D. H., & Townsend, D. J. (2006). 21 Days to a Great Marriage. Nashville, Tennessee:       Integrity House Publishers.
Edmondson, R. (2011, October 24 ). 7 Issues to Address in Pre-Marital Counseling. Retrieved      April 17, 2012, from Ron Edmondson: http://www.ronedmondson.com/2011/10/7-issues-  to-address-in-pre-marital-counseling.html
Munsey, C. (2006, June). Emerging adults; The in-between age. Retrieved April 17, 2012, from    American Psychological Association: http://www.apa.org/monitor/jun06/emerging.aspx
Staff, M. C. (2011, November 9). Premarital Counseling. Retrieved April 17, 2012, from Mayo   Clinic Health Information: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/premarital- counseling/MY00951