Effective Parenting P1

Being an effective parent is one of the most important aspects to successfully raising children. It is the foundation for the next generation. Effective parenting helps to influence children in a positive way, and enable them to effectively interact with the world around them. A brief look around today reveals that not having a proper foundation will most often lead to a child being confused and unable to interrelate successfully with others. This makes even trying to be an effective parent a very important role for both mom and dad. The key to becoming the effective parents we want to be is knowing what being effective looks like, and to know what to expect from our children. Knowing what to watch for in ourselves and in our children is paramount to mapping out a profitable strategy for parenting success.

Summary of Effective Parenting Styles

            There are many ways and even more combinations of ways to fulfill the role of parent. The voices clamoring for the attention of parents with young children are mind boggling. However one approaches child rearing, there are a some broad categories that can help shed light, in a general way, on parenting styles. The similarities will be obvious, but to first we to highlight the differences. Diana Baumrind suggested the styles identified in this section, and noted there are some important dimensions to understand before proceeding to the descriptions.

How the Styles Differ

1. Expressions of warmth. Some parents are warm and affectionate; others, cold and critical.

2. Strategies for discipline. Parents vary in whether and how they explain, criticize, persuade, ignore, and punish.

3. Communication. Some parents listen patiently; others demand silence.

4. Expectations for maturity. Parents vary in degree of responsibility and self-control they expect from their children.

Here is a brief listing of Baumrind's basic parenting styles,

The authoritative parenting style

            First, this style of parenting places high demands on the child, and expects the child to respond in an unquestioning manner. It has been aptly described in this statement,

Control is achieved via the use of firm but fair reasoning as a base for 'moderately' open negotiations along with positive reinforcement. Just like the authoritarian parents, the authoritative parents' control is firm and standards of behavior is are high. The difference is that authoritative parents are not 'keeping' their children down or restricting them as a sort of preventive measure for bad behavior. The authoritative parents strive towards letting their children live out their potentials but within an overall controlled framework. authoritative parents recognize that a child needs to have a degree of say but will always make sure to have the final word. In this way they strive to balance a child's need for autonomy and their own need for discipline and control. Authoritative parents use praise and positive attention as a way to make their child 'want to' behave well: "If I behave and do well, I will get positive attention and affection!" Authoritative parents make an effort to understand their child and teach them how to understand their own feelings, think of ways to solve problems and encourage them to follow independent but still norm supportive ways (Birgitte, 2007).

So what does the outcome look like for the authoritative parent?  When the parents employ praise along with fair rules, and they do it in a caring way, the child will learn that obeying the parents is something that makes them feel good.

The permissive parenting style

Children often respond to this type of parenting, but not always in a productive manner because of the lack of parental rules and expectations about the child's behavior. The parent basically just lets the child make the rules.

Permissive parents believe in the autonomy of the individual. The world is seen as a free place filled with opportunities just waiting to be seized. Permissive parents believe in responding to their children's desires in an accepting and affective manner. The child is viewed as a 'child' and is not expected to behave according to 'mature' or 'adult' standards. Traditional child discipline and rigid rules of conduct are seen as restrictive of a child's natural development and free, independent thinking. Children are perceived as equals and are included in decision making processes and are encouraged to communicate and discuss rather than just obey. Permissive parents dislike and tend to avoid confrontations and the overt use of power to shape and regulate their kids behavior (Birgitte, 2007).

Because of the lack of demands on the child they are prone to try and behave as though they are adults, and the lack of understanding they experience can lead to uncontrolled and troubled behavior. Primarily these issues arise because the child simply does not know "how" to behave.

The authoritarian parenting style

            The authoritarian parent may seem to be in control, but the control is often short lived. They demand strict obedience to the demands they place on the child. When compliance to the rules is violated there can often be harsh consequences, even for breaking seemingly insignificant rules.

The authoritarian parents are conservative, conformist and norm abiding. Rigidity, harshness and predictability create a desired sense of being in control. Traditional roles and values are to be followed unquestionably. There are strict rules of child conduct. Misbehavior is considered a serious threat to the much cherished established order. The authoritarian parents see the world in only black and white, good or bad, right or wrong etc. This means that there is a lot of judgment and evaluation. A child is either good or bad, well-behaved or naughty. Children are often looked upon with critical eye. They are basically perceived as non-equals, and sometimes even subconsciously perceived as enemies that pose a threat to order of things and therefore must be kept down. Rules and orders are not explained but are to be obeyed instantly and unquestionably. Discussion such as give and take dialogue is not encouraged. Praise and reward are potentially dangerous because of the idea that they may lead to children becoming 'too full of themselves' and consequently developing too much autonomy and straying off the 'good' path (Birgitte, 2007).

For the authoritarian parent, having a child that basically behaves as an adult is the picture of obedience. Children are not equipped to behave in an adult manner, and this model is often a blueprint for disaster. However, the redeeming take away from this style could be that this type of parent is more likely to teach children tasks that help with the organization of the household. This type of learning can have a significant effect on the self-esteem (feeling of accomplishment) of the child.

Common Behavioral Problems for Children Under 6

            Behavioral problems for children can be classified in several ways. Each classification focuses on behavioral issues native to the classification type.

Clinical Problems, including Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

             These types of issues are often typified by inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. These disorders are often found to accompany other issues, most typically conduct issues.

Oppositional Problems

            These issues include defiant, angry, annoying, non-compliant, and sometimes aggressive behavior.

Emotional Problems

            Emotional problems include anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress. Often exemplified in the child through emotional issues including those issues dealing with rapid development during these years.

Eating and Feeding Problems

            Seen in pattern changes of eating/feeding. Often accompanied by thriving issues.

(Rutter, Bishop, Pine, Stevenson, Taylor, & Thapar, 2008)

Parenting Tips

            There are many opinions about how to be an effective parent, and how to raise children the "right" way. Below you will find a practical list of things that will help you be, not only an effective parent but a successful one as well.

1. Show Your  Love - Make sure expressions of affection outnumber expressions of punishments

2. Affirm You Child - As they grow and develop their personality traits, do not expect them to behave just like you

3. Minimize rules...in the early years - Overloading a child with a long list of rules only leads to frustration for all. Prioritize rules, and add new ones slowly and incrementally

4. Prevent temper tantrums - They will occur, your job is to help reduce frequency and intensity

5. Know your child's limits - They may be acting out because they simply do not understand what you expect from them

6. Explain how to follow the rules - Don't just say stop, but work to defuse a situation

7. Offer choices when possible - Let them help make some of the small decisions

(Mayo Clinic Staff, 2012)

The CDC also offers some very useful tips for raising children under the age of 6.

1. Read to your child

2. Let your child help with simple chores

3. Encourage your child to play with other children. This helps them to learn the value of sharing and friendship

4. Be clear and consistent when disciplining your child

5. Explain and model, or show them the behavior you expect

6. Help them to develop their language skills by speaking to them in complete sentences

7. Help your child work through the steps to solve problems when they become upset

8. Give your child a limited number of simple choices at times when they can have input (For example, when they get dressed, when to play, what to have for a snack)

There is some overlap between the items in the lists, but the slight differences make them both relevent to understand.