Why Do People Lie?

Deceitful behavior is not unique to humans. For example, when a predator approaches the nest of some bird species, the mother will try to distract the predator by flopping around on the ground, pretending to have an injured wing.

But no other species rivals humans in the frequency and skill with which we deceive others. Behavior that is deliberately deceitful is as old as human civilization—as people have lied to protect themselves from revenge or punishment, or to gain some advantage in a competition, or simply to hurt another person. The myths and legends of every culture are filled with stories portraying the human tendency for people to distort the truth or deceive others for their own benefit.

TJ

Ironic Reversal

When we are trying to avoid doing, saying or thinking about something, we often find that this is impossible.

This is because of the 'Catch 22' situation that in order to avoid thinking about something, we need to know what we are trying to avoid and hence we have to think about it. The situation then gets worse as our failure to succeed causes us to work harder at the task.

The thought can also act as a block against other thoughts. When searching for a word for a particular situation, the more available words that pop into our minds first become more available and consequently keep coming back when we try to think of other words.

As we get worn out by this fruitless task, our ability to control the situation weakens, we get stuck in the cycle and thinking can easily turn into saying and doing. Repetition also tends to strengthen our belief in what we are thinking, as in Mere Exposure Theory.

This spiral can easily fall into obsessive-compulsive behaviors and many psychological disorders include an inability to stop thinking about something uncomfortable.

Hypnotists use this in phrases like 'You may notice how, as your eyes close, your hand gets heavier and you sink into a deep trance.'

When you are trying to solve a crossword puzzle or quiz question, even though your first idea is not right, it gets in the way of you finding the correct answer.

Telling children not to drop a plate makes them think about dropping it, and that often takes them a step closer to the act!

If you want someone to think about something, talk about it (or even tell them not to do/say/think about it). To accentuate the effect, get them cognitively overloaded and stressed beforehand.

The way out of the trap is not to try. It's like going to sleep: the more you try, the more you can't. The trick is to not be bothered about it, reducing the stress.

TJ

Churchless Lessons Learned

"Relatively few of the unchurched express interest in returning to a church or even investigating available churches. One-third say they are “completely open to carrying out and pursuing their faith in an environment or structure that differs from the typical church."

 “The fact that young adults, in particular, are redefining family to include close friends, even though this is a regularly shifting group, points to the impermanence and unreliability associated with family in the minds of millions of people. Given these continuing shifts, churches may have a difficult time connecting with the unchurched if their ministries are tailored for traditional households. In particular, single and married-without-children adults have little reason to connect with a church if its resources are funneled toward children’s and family ministry.”

 “If you consider how most churches deliver content—appointing one person as the authority and encouraging everyone else to sit (consume) quietly while he or she speaks—it is easy to see how that delivery system may come into conflict with changing cultural expectations.” 

 “Most churchless people aren’t looking for a church. They’re seeking an encounter with God. And even if they’re not seeking him directly, the vast majority are seeking to experience the essence of who he is: love.” 

 “Churchless born agains are not interested in being pressured into immediate engagement. They left the fold before, and they will do it again if they feel they are being manipulated to participate in programs or activities merely to help an organization reach its quantitative goals. If they return, it will be for spiritual and relational reasons; they do not want to be numbers on the bottom line or cogs in the machine.” 

  George Barna, Churchless: Understanding Today's Unchurched and How to Connect with Them

tj