Individuality

"a necessary quality for the attainment of individuality

is the ability to tolerate some degree of loneliness

in the sense of independent adherence to values

that those around you will not support.”

D.W. Harding (1906-1993) British psychologist

TJ

Perfectionism Steals Your Joy

How to Defeat Perfectionism

1. Get rid of all unrealistic goals, and replace them with realistic, achievable goals. 

2. Accept and love yourself unconditionally. 

3. Recognize that NOBODY is perfect – despite what the media, or other people, say. 

4. Love your quirks and value your uniqueness. 

5. See mistakes as lessons on the road to success. 

6. Notice all the positives, and small accomplishments. 

7. Enjoy, and be thankful for, the good things in your life.

TJ

Rational Decisions. Do you make them?

We are, to some extent, rational beings in that we will try to logically understand things and make sensible choices.

However, the world is large and complex, and we do not have the capacity to understand everything. We also have a limited time in which to make decisions. We are also limited by the schemas we have and other decisional limitations.

Harder problems require more thinking, increasing the cognitive load. If there is too much to think about this causes cognitive overload as we try to cope.

As a result, many of our decisions are not fully thought through and we can only be rational within the limits of time and cognitive capability. Herbert Simon indicated that there were thus two major causes of bounded rationality:

• Limitations of the human mind
• The structure within which the mind operates

This impacts decision models that assume us to be fully rational. 

For example, when calculating expected value, it may be curious to find that people do not make the best choices.

When I go to buy a new home entertainment system based on reading a few web reviews and having conversations with several friends, the transaction is often a “done deal” before I enter the store no matter if the sales person offers me a better bargain, I still turn it down.

SO WHAT NOW?

Either play within the bounds of rationality by giving the other person few choices and limited criteria, or break their existing bounds by showing how these are ineffective (then help them set up cognitive camp elsewhere).

BOTTOM LINE:

When you make a decision, pause to reflect whether what seems rational is adequate. As necessary, test your decision with other people. Do not be hurried into a decision by others.

TJ

Confusion - How Politicians Succeed

Repeating patterns of events help us predict and feel a good sense of control about the world.

When patterns are disrupted, then we become uncertain.

Losing control

One of the deep needs we have is to be able to understand the world around us. If we understand, then we can predict what will happen and hence control our environment and stay safe. When we cannot make sense of our experiences, we feel confused and scared and seek a way of getting out of the cognitive deep water in which we find ourselves.

Unexpected surprise

When we predict, we set up expectation. When the expectation does not meet what was predicted, we are surprised and confused and have to stop to figure out what is going on.

Sends you inside

What is the sound of one hand clapping? What is the sound of a tree falling in the forest when nobody is there? What is the point of such meaningless sayings? The clue is in the deeper intent, where a major goal is to find enlightenment. The confusing sayings are designed specifically to send you inside, making you think so hard about what they mean that you forget yourself, and consequently find nirvana.

Confusion can send you so far inside and so deep that it puts you into a stupor. As you struggle to find meaning where none exists, the assumption that an answer must exist sends you on an ever-deepening spiral. Confusion is a method that is, perhaps unsurprisingly, used by hypnotists as a method of hypnotic induction.

Clutching at straws

Increasing stress leads to a point when we go from seeking the best solution to the problem at hand to seeking a solution just to reduce the stress.

Confusion is used in many persuasion techniques as a way of destabilizing the other person. Just as a drowning man will clutch at a straw, so also will a confused person grab at any idea you offer them in the hope that it will help them crawl out the sea of confusion in which they are wallowing.

The most common way of confusing someone is simply to overload them. Just keep giving them things until they crack. It is especially effective if what you are saying is of interested and makes them think and want to respond.

Overload is multiplied when what is being communicated is complex or difficult to understand. This effectively shortens the time to the point where the other person becomes overloaded and needs to stop and process the information given to them.

There are many written and unwritten rules of conversation and interpersonal communication. People expect you to follow those rules. If you break them, they will quickly become confused.

TJ