Honesty. What does it look like?

What does honesty look like?

Being open about yourself, your feelings, and what you have done. When you are asked a question, tell the truth, even it is embarrassing. Do not make excuses for your weaknesses, just be truthful.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks to a healthy version of honesty is exposing yourself too much and too early in any relationship. The optimum way to build an honesty bridge is to open-up one step at a time and try to do it at the same rate as the other person in the relationship. 

Use personal, truthful, stories to gently encourage the other person to also expose themselves, or just to stimulate normal conversation.

Openness can also include disagreement. When others express views with which you disagree you can gently state your disagreement with the view, and be careful not to reject the person.

When you expose a personal vulnerability to another person, you are offering them a way to criticize or attack you. This shows them that you are trusting them not to attack. By being trusting, you encourage them to be trustworthy and trusting in return.

It is important to be careful when exposing vulnerabilities because you can embarrass others and make them feel they should be open in return when they are not ready to do so. This is why you should start small and move forward incrementally as they open up to you.

Openness implies you have the confidence that you will not be attacked and can be a unspoken indicator of power. In effect you are saying 'I am so powerful I can admit weaknesses or express views because I can repel all criticism or attack.'

Open disagreement is also helpful in creating a bond because it also encourages trust by saying 'I know you understand me well enough not to take this the wrong way.' Of course this level of openness requires a lot of care in accepting the person even if you reject their argument.

TJ