Honesty. What does it look like?

 What does honesty look like? 

Being open about yourself, your feelings, and what you have done. When you are asked a question, tell the truth, even it is embarrassing. Do not make excuses for your weaknesses, just be truthful.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks to a healthy version of honesty is exposing yourself too much and too early in any relationship. The optimum way to build an honesty bridge is to open-up one step at a time and try to do it at the same rate as the other person in the relationship. 

Use personal, truthful, stories to gently encourage the other person to also expose themselves, or just to stimulate normal conversation.

Openness can also include disagreement. When others express views with which you disagree you can gently state your disagreement with the view, and be careful not to reject the person.

When you expose a personal vulnerability to another person, you are offering them a way to criticize or attack you. This shows them that you are trusting them not to attack. By being trusting, you encourage them to be trustworthy and trusting in return.

It is important to be careful when exposing vulnerabilities because you can embarrass others and make them feel they should be open in return when they are not ready to do so. This is why you should start small and move forward incrementally as they open up to you.

Openness implies you have the confidence that you will not be attacked and can be a unspoken indicator of power. In effect you are saying 'I am so powerful I can admit weaknesses or express views because I can repel all criticism or attack.'

Open disagreement is also helpful in creating a bond because it also encourages trust by saying 'I know you understand me well enough not to take this the wrong way.' Of course this level of openness requires a lot of care in accepting the person even if you reject their argument.

TJ

Honesty. What does it look like?

What does honesty look like?

Being open about yourself, your feelings, and what you have done. When you are asked a question, tell the truth, even it is embarrassing. Do not make excuses for your weaknesses, just be truthful.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks to a healthy version of honesty is exposing yourself too much and too early in any relationship. The optimum way to build an honesty bridge is to open-up one step at a time and try to do it at the same rate as the other person in the relationship. 

Use personal, truthful, stories to gently encourage the other person to also expose themselves, or just to stimulate normal conversation.

Openness can also include disagreement. When others express views with which you disagree you can gently state your disagreement with the view, and be careful not to reject the person.

When you expose a personal vulnerability to another person, you are offering them a way to criticize or attack you. This shows them that you are trusting them not to attack. By being trusting, you encourage them to be trustworthy and trusting in return.

It is important to be careful when exposing vulnerabilities because you can embarrass others and make them feel they should be open in return when they are not ready to do so. This is why you should start small and move forward incrementally as they open up to you.

Openness implies you have the confidence that you will not be attacked and can be a unspoken indicator of power. In effect you are saying 'I am so powerful I can admit weaknesses or express views because I can repel all criticism or attack.'

Open disagreement is also helpful in creating a bond because it also encourages trust by saying 'I know you understand me well enough not to take this the wrong way.' Of course this level of openness requires a lot of care in accepting the person even if you reject their argument.

TJ

You are Fooling Yourself

“C’mon! Let’s see what you’ve got. Just take your best shot…” 

It’s a great line from a Styx song with a chorus that repeats

“You’re fooling yourself and you don’t believe it. You’re kidding yourself, and you don’t believe it…”

The twist in the song is that “fooling yourself” doesn’t refer to an over-inflated ego or an unrecognized flaw in yourself. Instead, the song refers to unrealized potential, to an angry young man’s failure to see that his future, in reality, looks quite bright to those looking from the outside.

Sure, there are people who fool themselves (or try to fool others) with conceited over-estimations of their own abilities and contributions. However, I think that more of us fool ourselves in another way, by falsely believing we are less capable than we really are.

These self-imposed limitations cause us to give up or ,more often, not even try at all. We convince ourselves that we shouldn’t try because we can’t succeed. We protect ourselves from failure by doing only what we have already succeeded in doing before.

As a result, our possibilities become narrower, basically verifying that we are, indeed, limited.

This happens so easy because we are both creatures of habit and seekers of comfort. The saddest thing is that we only are fooling ourselves if we use our routines and limitations as security blankets.

In an age of rapidly expanding information, in a volatile economy, in a time of confusion around the world… can you honestly say that what you know and do today will always be enough? Real security comes from remaining open to trying new things. We have to adapt and risking failure for the purpose of self-development to achieve everything we are capable of achieving. 

As you read this, I hear the excuses piling up. You are fooling yourself if you are thinking “I can’t,” “I’ve never,” “I don’t know how,” “I’m not…” The truth is that you can, you will, you’ll learn and you are. However, remember it only becomes the truth when you believe it.

You Want PROOF? 

When you were at your very lowest points – less educated than you are now, less independent than you are now, and less experienced than you are now, you did new things every single day. You built skills that went way beyond your current capabilities. You were just a child. Even so, you took your best shot. You tried. You tried again and again if necessary. You did not fear failure, so you did not fail.

Consider what you are telling yourself. 

Challenge it. Don’t just take the easy way out.

Break free from self-limiting beliefs and stop fooling yourself. “Get up, get back on your feet, you’re the one they can’t beat…”

TJ