The KEY to Long-Term Relationships

I know I can be hard to live with. However, I think I may have figured out why my wife has kept ME around for 28 years: 

The longer I have been married the more I have come to understand that there comes a point when you genuinely love someone. Not necessarily because they are always easy to love. You just love them. It doesn’t mean you won’t have ups and downs. It means you love them unconditionally. Sometimes regardless of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes regardless of who you are.

TJ

24 Hours a Day

Time is an equal opportunity employer.

Each human being has exactly the same number of hours and minutes every day.

Rich people can’t buy more hours.

Scientists can’t invent new minutes.

And you can’t save time to spend it on another day.

Even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving.

No matter how much time you’ve wasted in the past,

you still have an entire today.

TJ

Is Life Short or Long?

It's actually just after you're born that life flashes before your eyes.

Entire eons are lived in those first few months when you feel joined at the hip with the world itself, with nothing to do but watch it passing by.

At first, time is only felt vicariously, as something that happens to other people. You get used to living in the moment, because there's nowhere else to go. But soon enough, life begins to move, and you learn to move with it. 

And you take it for granted that you're a different person every year,

Upgraded with a different body...a different future. You run around so fast, the world around you seems to stand still. Until a summer vacation can stretch on for what feels like an eternity.

You experience time moving forward, learning its rhythm, but now and then it skips a beat, as if your birthday arrives one day earlier every year.

We should reflect on the idea that youth is not actually wasted on the young. That their dramas are no more grand than they should be. That their emotions make perfect sense, once you adjust for inflation.

For someone going through adolescence, life feels epic and tragic simply because it is: every twist in your day could easily warp the arc of your story. Because each year is worth a little less than the last. And with each birthday we circle back, and cross the same point around the sun. We wish each other many happy returns.

But soon you feel the circle begin to tighten, and you realize it's a spiral, and you're already halfway through. As more of your day repeats itself, you begin to cast off dead weight, and feel the steady pull toward your center of gravity, the counterbalance of memories you hold onto, until it all seems to move under its own inertia.

So even when you sit still, it feels like you're running somewhere. And even if tomorrow you will run a little faster, and stretch your arms a little farther, you'll still feel the seconds slipping away as you drift around the bend.

Life is short. And life is long. But not in that order.

TJ

Life 101

As a kid you run around so fast,

the world around you seems to stand still.

 A summer vacation can stretch on for an eternity. 

With each birthday we circle back and cross the

same point around the sun.

We wish each other 'many happy returns.

But soon you feel the circle begin to tighten,

and you realize it’s a spiral,

and you’re already halfway through...

TJ

 

Unpacking Boxes (2)

You tell the world who you are
in a million different ways.
Some are subtle, some are not.

But it doesn't seem to matter:
this world has already got you pegged.

When you were born they put you in a little box,
and slapped a label on it.
So they could keep things organized,
and not have to think about what’s inside.

Over time you learn to make yourself comfortable
packaging your identity in different combinations
until you feel like you belong,
and can wear your labels proudly.

But there’s a part of you that never really found a home
rattling around in categories that couldn’t do you justice.

You look around at other people,
trying to judge how loosely they fit in their own lives
sensing a knot of confusion hidden beneath a name tag.

And you realize we’re still only strangers,
who assume we already know what the other is going to say,
as if the only thing left to talk about is
who belongs in what category
and which labels are offensive.

You have to wonder if these boxes are falling apart.
If we should be writing our identities by hand,
speaking only for ourselves, in our own words,
taking our chances out in the open
and meet each other as we are,
asking: “What is it like being you?”

—and be brave enough to admit
that we don’t already know the answer.

Maybe it’ll mean that we’ve finally arrived,
just “unpacking the boxes”
making ourselves at home.

And maybe we’ll look back and wonder
how we managed to live in the same house for so long,
and never stop to introduce ourselves.

TJ 

What is Your True Passion

Ask yourself the following questions …

1. Do you feel fulfilled when you’re actively engaged in your job?

2. Is your job something you would do, and invest time in, for free? 

If you had plenty of money, is it the one thing you would do?

3. Do you find time disappears when you’re spending time at work? 

You can’t believe how quickly the hours just seem to pass?

4. Do you often talk about or think constantly about your job?

  

5. When life is very busy do you still enjoy your career?

6. When you are not “on the job” – it’s the thing you long for most?

TJ

Myths about “True Love”

1. The relationship should be natural, easy and uncomplicated: The truth is that all relationships take time, effort, commitment and energy. You need to make time for each other, to do fun things together, to work on communication, and to learn to negotiate and compromise.

2. The relationship should be conflict free: Because each of us are unique, we all disagree with others at times, so conflict is natural, and not to be feared. In fact, conflict can force us to confront our differences, and to grow as individuals, and as couples too.

3. Soul mates are romantic: Real life is not the movies, and love can be expressed in countless different ways, and still be genuine. Look out for all the signs that show your partner cares, and don’t be disappointed if they’re not “the stereotype”.  Don’t try to force them to be something that they cannot be.

4. You should always see things the same way and have the same opinions, outlooks and beliefs: People have different backgrounds and have individual brains so they are going to sometimes differ in the way they look at life. This should not be a problem – you don’t want to be clones.

5. My partner will always like and love me: Consideration, respect and a concern for your partner are symptoms of a loving relationship. But being rude and disrespectful or irresponsible are not endearing qualities that build relationships. Instead, we need to focus on being for others what we need from them – as it’s not “all about me”. 

TJ

Want to Know Yourself Better?

1. If you could change one aspect of your life or personality, what would it be?

2. Are you “your own person” or are you defined and pushed around by others?

3. Is there any area of your life where you feel out of control?

4. Do you feel more comfortable in an organized or chaotic environment?

5. How comfortable are you with spontaneous ideas, or a last-minute change in plans?

6. Do you feel renewed by being around others, or is it crucial for you to have time on your own?

7. Are you motivated or undermined by competition?

8. Do you work well under pressure, or do you tend to fall apart?

9. Are you better at complimenting and doing things for others, or complimenting and doing things for yourself?

10. Are you a morning or an evening person?

11. Do you persevere, or do you give up easily?

12. Do you like to go with the flow, or take control of your life and circumstances?

13. Are you more of a thinker or a feeler?

14. What are your passions and goals?

15. What would your perfect day look like?

 

TJ