FAMILY TRADITION 04282017 VE2

What Do You Believe About People?

We have beliefs about many things. 

These may be 'black and white' polarities. 

They may also range along a spectrum between the two ends. 

What I (you) believe about people will drive how I (you) behave towards them.

Intent: concerned for others vs. concerned for self

This is the belief about how basically selfish people are. A balance between these two concerns leads to the Care-Behavior Matrix.

The Collaborator
If we believe in the rights of people to be cared for, that we have a duty of care towards them, and also believe that others are trustworthy and caring, then we will seek to collaborate and work together with them.
The Collaborator is the opposite of the Independent. They make good team players and can become very frustrated when working with Users and Independents.

The Nurturer
If we believe in the rights of people to be cared for and that we have a duty of care towards them, but that they do not care about others, then we will try to be helpful and guide them in their actions (perhaps even if they do not want help).
The Nurturer is the opposite of the User. When Users and Nurturers work together, the Nurturer can become a victim.

The User
If we believe that people have no rights to be cared for, but that others are trustworthy and caring, then we may seek to take advantage of this. We may stereotype or depersonalize them as we seek to absolve ourselves of any guilt about this.
The User is the opposite of the Nurturer and when they work together, the User may become a bully or callously take advantage of the Nurturer's good faith.

The Independent
If we do not believe in the rights of people to be cared for, and that others do not care about us, then we will go our own way and generally ignore others.
The Independent is the opposite of the Collaborator and will usually prefer to work alone rather than in teams.

Concern for others

I can believe that people are basically good and kind and have a natural tendency to help others. People who believe this way are likely to be trusting and trustworthy. They may also be naive and open to unprincipled persuasion.

Concern for self

I can believe that we are all basically selfish, and all actions are self-motivated. People who see the world in this Machiavellian way will not trust others and will manipulate the world for their own ends. They may even interpret pro-social, helpful actions as for the purpose of making me feel good.

Capability: natural talent vs. ability to learn

Natural talent

This is also called Trait Theory. It assumes that people are born with particular talents and abilities and that there is no point trying to change these.

This was popular in the early years of psychological theories and then was scotched when the complexity of people, the (particularly Freudian) effects of early development and their ability to learn was considered. More lately, it has return in the guise of Behavioral Genetics.

If people in organizations believe more in natural talent, this increases significantly the importance of recruitment and decrease the importance of training and development.

If I believe that I have some talents and not others, then I am less likely to seek to learn and more likely to try to live based on what I can already do and what I believe I know.

Ability to learn

I can believe that, by and large, we all have similar talent, and that the question of ability is more about learning. All people are seen as 'learning machines' and the focus is more often rather on whether we can learn but our preferred learning style.

If people in organizations believe more in our capability to learn, this increases significantly the importance of training and development and decrease the importance of recruitment.

If I believe that I can develop through learning, I will be more likely to seek higher education and take an approach of 'life-long learning'.

Intelligence: Fixed ability vs. Growth mindset

Similar to nature-nurture capability beliefs, this is often a personal belief: Am I as clever as I am or can I become more intelligent. as with other beliefs, each creates a self-fulfilling prophesy whereby a person grows intellectually or not. (Research, by the way, has shown that around half of your 'intelligence' is inherited and half is about what you do).

Fixed ability

The fixed ability belief is that we have a certain intelligence and ability and are unable to change this.

It has been found that children who are praised as being 'clever' tend to take on less risky challenges as they do not want to lose this 'intelligent' tag. 

Growth mindset

In contrast to the fixed viewpoint, a person with the 'growth' mindset believes that if they work hard they will become more and more clever.

Children who are praised as 'working hard' take on more challenging tasks, in contrast with those who were praised for being clever.

TJ

Does it seem a little outside my normal posts? YEP!

Do You Want To Be Great?

Be gentle and kind
 
Show respect to everyone you meet (whether you think they deserve it or not)
 
Pay attention to the little things (often that makes you stand out from the crowd)

Do everything wholeheartedly, with passion and love
 
Be flexible, adaptable, and open to change
 
Don’t complicate your life with lots of oughts, musts, and shoulds
 
Encourage other people to be the best that they can be

TJ

Talk vs Thoughts

 

Isn’t it strange that we talk least about
the things we think about most?

Charles Lindbergh

T

Some Things to Remember…

1. Waiting and not knowing is a major part of life.

2. Often, what we fear never happens in the end.

3. We all have our flaws; everyone is on a journey.

4. Expect to get things wrong and to mess things up every now and then.

5. A good and trustworthy friend truly is a gift and someone to treasure.

6. Treat yourself and others with kindness and respect.

7. Be patient in your struggles because they often teach important lessons.

8. Believe you have the courage to create the life you want, and go do it.

TJ