Living or Just Existing?

If you want to really live, and not just exist, then YOU REALLY NEED TO DO THESE THINGS:

1. Love other people in a selfless way. You may get hurt, or you may suffer disappointment, BUT you’ll gain more than you ever stand to lose.

2. Develop an appreciation of  being outside - and spend more time outdoors. It’s good for your health.

3. Take chances. It’s clearly stupid to throw caution to the wind, BUT we thrive and grow the most when we try to stretch ourselves. Take a risk, branch out, and have new experiences.

4. Find your passion. It’s good to experiment and to try different things, BUT we also NEED to discover what our true passion is …and then invest ourselves and our time to that.

5. Decide what is important and what is not … then eliminate time wasters, and focus on essentials.

6. Deal with the scar tissue from the past that is preventing you from really living. You don’t have to live in fear. Go see a counselor – it will be good for you.

7. Laugh as much as possible (without looking crazy) it’s one of the best things you will do for your health. It will greatly improve your relationships, and help you gain perspective.

8. Eat more chocolate. ( I am not kidding) It will help to improve your mood. BUT the main reason is that too much self-control can slowly drain your energy.

TJ

Create a Climate for Change

 

To create a climate for change a leader needs to do several things, but the first thing they must do is to inspire the organization through the sharing of his vision (Kaplan & Norton, 2001).

 

 I believe that people are much more inclined to follow an idea much more quickly than a set of objectives. However, I have found that when a leader shares a compelling vision, it is amazing how those who follow buy into the processes that make up the strategy to carry out the vision.

Following my own method of empowering people to carry out the organizational strategy, the decentralization of power (Kaplan & Norton, 2001), with the right process measurements, can create a climate conducive to change. 

 

A big key to creating and maintaining change is when the leadership paints a vivid picture of a preferable future, and does so respecting the value systems of those within the organization.

The setting of goals that almost seem unreachable tends to help keep people focused on the “Big Picture” to maintain the change climate (Kaplan & Norton, 2001). 

 

Refusal to buy into strategies that are meant to align organizations could be the primary obstacle to actually achieving alignment. The refusal to buy in is often a symptom of poor communication between executive level people and those they lead. Even if the communication is good, not employing an adequate implementation strategy of measurement system can create road-blocks to successful alignment (Kaplan & Norton, 2006) and (Kaplan & Norton, 2001).  Measurements used when trying to implement change should focus on the process (how things are progressing) and not so much on outcomes (Kaplan & Norton, 2006) because in order to change there can be a need to make changes to the change strategy. Other obstacles could include poor leadership, uninspiring leadership, untrustworthy leadership, and many other negative aspects the leader might exhibit.

If a leader is suspect (not trustworthy, not likable, not whatever), but their vision is compelling, would you follow them?

 

Do you accept good ideas from people you really do not like?

 

Have you ever followed someone blindly and were pleased with the outcome?

 

Kaplan, R., & Norton, D. (2006). Alignment. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.

Kaplan, R., & Norton, D. (2001). The Strategy-Focused Organization. Boston: Harvard Business School Press.

 

TJ

Are You Standing Still?

You were born on a moving train.

And even though it feels like you're standing still,

time is sweeping past you, right where you sit. 

But once in a while you look up,

and actually feel the inertia,

and watch as the present turns into a memory 

—as if some future you is already looking back on it.


TJ 

What Do You Believe About People?

We have beliefs about many things. 

These may be 'black and white' polarities. 

They may also range along a spectrum between the two ends. 

What I (you) believe about people will drive how I (you) behave towards them.

Intent: concerned for others vs. concerned for self

This is the belief about how basically selfish people are. A balance between these two concerns leads to the Care-Behavior Matrix.

The Collaborator
If we believe in the rights of people to be cared for, that we have a duty of care towards them, and also believe that others are trustworthy and caring, then we will seek to collaborate and work together with them.
The Collaborator is the opposite of the Independent. They make good team players and can become very frustrated when working with Users and Independents.

The Nurturer
If we believe in the rights of people to be cared for and that we have a duty of care towards them, but that they do not care about others, then we will try to be helpful and guide them in their actions (perhaps even if they do not want help).
The Nurturer is the opposite of the User. When Users and Nurturers work together, the Nurturer can become a victim.

The User
If we believe that people have no rights to be cared for, but that others are trustworthy and caring, then we may seek to take advantage of this. We may stereotype or depersonalize them as we seek to absolve ourselves of any guilt about this.
The User is the opposite of the Nurturer and when they work together, the User may become a bully or callously take advantage of the Nurturer's good faith.

The Independent
If we do not believe in the rights of people to be cared for, and that others do not care about us, then we will go our own way and generally ignore others.
The Independent is the opposite of the Collaborator and will usually prefer to work alone rather than in teams.

Concern for others

I can believe that people are basically good and kind and have a natural tendency to help others. People who believe this way are likely to be trusting and trustworthy. They may also be naive and open to unprincipled persuasion.

Concern for self

I can believe that we are all basically selfish, and all actions are self-motivated. People who see the world in this Machiavellian way will not trust others and will manipulate the world for their own ends. They may even interpret pro-social, helpful actions as for the purpose of making me feel good.

Capability: natural talent vs. ability to learn

Natural talent

This is also called Trait Theory. It assumes that people are born with particular talents and abilities and that there is no point trying to change these.

This was popular in the early years of psychological theories and then was scotched when the complexity of people, the (particularly Freudian) effects of early development and their ability to learn was considered. More lately, it has return in the guise of Behavioral Genetics.

If people in organizations believe more in natural talent, this increases significantly the importance of recruitment and decrease the importance of training and development.

If I believe that I have some talents and not others, then I am less likely to seek to learn and more likely to try to live based on what I can already do and what I believe I know.

Ability to learn

I can believe that, by and large, we all have similar talent, and that the question of ability is more about learning. All people are seen as 'learning machines' and the focus is more often rather on whether we can learn but our preferred learning style.

If people in organizations believe more in our capability to learn, this increases significantly the importance of training and development and decrease the importance of recruitment.

If I believe that I can develop through learning, I will be more likely to seek higher education and take an approach of 'life-long learning'.

Intelligence: Fixed ability vs. Growth mindset

Similar to nature-nurture capability beliefs, this is often a personal belief: Am I as clever as I am or can I become more intelligent. as with other beliefs, each creates a self-fulfilling prophesy whereby a person grows intellectually or not. (Research, by the way, has shown that around half of your 'intelligence' is inherited and half is about what you do).

Fixed ability

The fixed ability belief is that we have a certain intelligence and ability and are unable to change this.

It has been found that children who are praised as being 'clever' tend to take on less risky challenges as they do not want to lose this 'intelligent' tag. 

Growth mindset

In contrast to the fixed viewpoint, a person with the 'growth' mindset believes that if they work hard they will become more and more clever.

Children who are praised as 'working hard' take on more challenging tasks, in contrast with those who were praised for being clever.

TJ

Do You Want To Be Great?

Be gentle and kind
 
Show respect to everyone you meet (whether you think they deserve it or not)
 
Pay attention to the little things (often that makes you stand out from the crowd)

Do everything wholeheartedly, with passion and love
 
Be flexible, adaptable, and open to change
 
Don’t complicate your life with lots of oughts, musts, and shoulds
 
Encourage other people to be the best that they can be

TJ

The Road to Success

It will hurt.

It will take time and effort.

It will require commitment.

It will require perseverance.

You will need to keep on making make healthy decisions.

It will require pain and sacrifice.

You will need to push yourself to the max at times.

There will be tough days and discouragement.

There will be temptations that you’ll have to push against.

But it will all be worth it – and you’ll get there in the end.

TJ

Three Reasons You Need To Say 'No' More Often

Here are some thoughts to consider:

1. You’re responsible for creating your boundaries.

2. You’re not responsible for anyone else’s   reaction.

3. Successful people know how to say “no.”

TJ

Leadership Boundaries

Only when you are able to set your own boundaries will you be able to acknowledge and respect the boundaries of others. ‪#‎leadership‬ ‪#‎life‬

Aviodance or Attraction

Some people are motivated more by doing things, whilst others are motivated more by avoiding things. 

Attraction

People who are driven towards doing things tend to have positive goals and seek to achieve specific things. They are forward-looking and see the world as being full of opportunity. They generally have a passion and desire to succeed in order to gain either specific rewards or general recognition. To achieve this, they are more open and ready to explore new experiences.

They focus is largely on the future and when they have achieved something they may even forget about it in the headlong charge into further challenges.

Some people have problems with this in that they are attracted to too many things. They dart from one opportunity to another, seeking gratification all over the place. They may be looking for something and they may not yet know what they want.

Avoidance

Those who are driven to avoid things something look like they are attracted to the things they are actually doing, but they are actually looking more over their shoulder than in front of them. For example people who are very energetic at work may be driven more by a worry about failure or criticism than by an attraction towards achievement.

Those who are avoidance-driven focus more by their fears than their desires (which may well be fears in disguise). They may also be more prone to disgust. They may well also be more closed to the world, avoiding problems simply by keeping the doors to their world closed.

Avoidance can be a high-stress preference. We may be generally driven by attraction when things are going well, but when we are threatened or otherwise experience high levels of stress, we may use an avoidance strategy to get away from that discomfort.

A problem with avoidance when compared to attraction is that there are many directions in which to run away from something, yet only one way you can run towards something. Motivating a person by triggering avoidance is not necessarily a helpful approach.

Discussion

Attraction and avoidance are related to the fight-or-flight response, where attraction and fighting lead to moving towards a target, while avoidance and flight are about moving away from it. The major difference is that fight and flight are immediate and unthinking reactions to threat. Attraction and avoidance often have cognitive elements and may well be both slower and more persistent over time.

In a similar way, attraction and avoidance are related to pleasure and pain. In particular, we are attracted to pleasurable activities and avoid painful experiences. 

 
Therefore:

For those who are driven by attraction, seek their passions and lay opportunity in their path. They will swoop towards what you are offering.

For those driven by avoidance, point out the problems of the past and the dangers of the present. Show them a future where they can at least avoid the worst of the problems they face.

When you have a choice, be a shepherd. A sheep runs in any direction to get away from a sheepdog, making it work extra hard, whilst it runs towards the shepherd who stands in one place and calls them.

TJ