AUTHENTIC LIFE - Notes From a Pandemic

 

Self-Centered - Notes From a Pandemic

 

CHALLENGES - Notes From a Pandemic

 

3:00 a.m. Challenge

About 3:00am this morning these thoughts were running through my head. I scribbled some notes and then stared at the ceiling for 3 more hours. -

When we least expect it, life sends us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change. When the challenge arises there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or complain about not being ready to face it yet. The challenge will come.

Life does does not stop nor move backward for anyone. The moment we are challenged is the proper time for us to decide whether or not we will accept the change life is going to require us to make.

The alternative to facing the challenge head-on will most often negatively impact our life in ways that will be even more difficult to overcome.

Meet your challenges head-on. It is always the best way to move forward in life.

©2020KJackson

Living Life...

While you're in it, life seems epic. Fiery, tenuous, and unpredictable. But once you have some distance from it, everything seems to shrink, until it's almost out of focus.

When you look back over your life, or try to put it down on paper, You can see more of it now than ever before. And yet it seems somehow diminished. Humble. Almost old-fashioned. So you begin scanning your life, looking for something interesting or beautiful. You see an ordinary house, with an ordinary yard, on an ordinary street. It looks smaller than you remember. You once had wild dreams and obstacles and risks looming all around you, but now they look smaller too.

You remember giants and goddesses and villains, but all you see is ordinary people assembled in their tiny classrooms and work-spaces, each of us moving around in little steps, like tokens on a game board. No matter how many times you rolled the dice, it was always these little moves, here and there. Do a little work. Take a little rest. Make a little friend. Throw a little party. Feel a little boredom. Have a little rebellion. There are so many of these token moments that were supposed to represent some other thing. You keep adding them all up, as if there was something you forgot to count, some stash of glory that fell off the back of a truck.

You may love the life you have for everything it is, and even though you know it isn't groundbreaking; you wouldn't change a thing. Maybe when you first started building the life you wanted, you left plenty of room for what might happen, and somehow lost track of what was happening.

Or maybe you were never 'in it' to begin with. Maybe you knew even then that this wasn't the world you expected. A world so low and common you tried to keep your distance, floating somewhere above it, where nobody else could look down on this life you built.

Nobody else but you.

kj 

Life Changes...Just Like That

Looking Back on Your Life...

While you're in them, seasons of life seem extraordinary.  Fiery, fragile, and erratic. But once you have some distance from them, the moments seem to get smaller, until they are almost out of focus.

When you look back over your life, you can see more of it now than ever before. And yet it seems somehow diminished. Unassuming. Almost charming.

So you begin scanning your life, looking for something interesting or beautiful. You see an ordinary house, with an ordinary yard, on an ordinary street. It looks smaller than you remember. You once had wild dreams and obstacles and risks looming all around you, but now they look smaller too.

You remember giants and goddesses and villains you encountered, but all you see now is ordinary people assembled in their tiny classrooms and work-spaces, each of us moving around in little steps, like tokens on a game board. No matter how many times you rolled the dice, it was always these little moves, here and there.

We do a little work, take a little rest, make a little friend, throw a little party, feel a little boredom, and have a little rebellion. There are so many of these token moments, that were supposed to represent some other thing. You keep adding them all up, as if there was something you forgot to count, some bundle of glory that fell off the back of a truck.

You may love the life you have, for everything it is. You know it isn't groundbreaking, but you wouldn't change a thing. Maybe when you first started building the life you wanted, you left plenty of room for what might happen, and somehow lost track of what was happening.

Or maybe you were never 'in it' to begin with. Maybe you knew even then that this wasn't the world you expected. A world so low and common you tried to keep your distance, floating somewhere above it, where nobody else could look down on this life you built.

Nobody else but you.

TJ

Life Can Change!

https://youtu.be/dJyz6iK8VXE

Why are you holding on to the Past?

1. You can’t, or won’t, talk about it. 

2. You’re constantly being hit by “those same old feelings”. 

3. You can’t relax and be yourself with certain people from your past. 

4. You’re attracted to people who treat you negatively. 

5. You over-react, and find it hard to calm down. 

6. You have poor boundaries, and always feel you’re being used. 

7. You’re always making poor decisions, and repeating old mistakes. 

TJ

You Feel Depressed. What Now?

1. Acknowledge how you feel, and accept that this is going to be a more challenging day.

2. Commit to doing the absolute essentials but don’t push yourself to do everything. 

3. Prioritize what’s important. Do what needs to be done. If it is something that can wait, set it aside for now. 

4. Work through your to-do list in small chunks of time – making sure you take plenty of breaks.

5. Tell someone who will understand. We need to get support when we’re feeling low, but not everyone will be there for you. Figure out who will be there, and who won’t be there, for you. 

6. Be wise in your use of social media. It may be good to go offline for a while, to switch off your phone and to protect yourself from stuff that just exacerbates the way you feel. 

7. Make sure you leave the house and get a change of scenery.

8. Deliberately invest in some form of self-care … and make sure it’s something that you know will help your mood. Also, remember that tomorrow is another day. 

TJ

How Can You Change Your Life?

Questions to Help You 

For Best Results Write Out Your Answers!
 

1. If you had all the money in the world, how would you choose to spend your life?

2. What makes, and when do, you lose yourself…and later realize that you lost all track of time?

3. What lifts your spirits on a dark day?

4. When you are old, and you look back on your life, what things will matter to you the most?

5. What are 3 things that you really hope to achieve in life?

6. What kind of person do you want to be?

7. Who would you say is a role model for a life well-lived?

 

 

TJ

How to be Miserable!

1. Complain all the time
(It will make you miserable and drive your friends away)

2. Bury your head in the sand and deny that you have problems
(Avoidance won’t make your problems disappear)

3. Constantly compare yourself with others
(You’ll always feel inferior if you compare your weaknesses to others’ strengths)

4. Allow yourself to continually worry about the future
(Most “what ifs” never actually happen)

5. Keep hanging out with people who put you down
(That will totally destroy your self-esteem)

6. Keep on doing things you dislike or hate
(You only live in this world once – and we each have different gifts – so it’s crucial that you try to invest in what you love)

7. Get involved, and stay, in BAD relationships
(You’ll end up hating and devaluing yourself, and convincing yourself that you can’t have more than that)

8. Try to change others instead of yourself
(We can’t change others – we can only influence them; but we do have the power to change ourselves) 

9. Be a people pleaser
(We can’t make others happy all the time. Also, when you give up your power you will feel worthless inside)

10. Look for your worth in “things” 
(Stuff can't satisfy us, or bring us true happiness)

TJ

Power or Powerless?

When two people interact, there is always a disparity in power, meaning one person is, to some degree, more vulnerable. The values we develop concerning vulnerability help us to compensate for this difference by limiting the actions of the more powerful person, particularly if the less vulnerable person falls into one of these categories:

Children: Who are smaller, innocent and understand less.

Elderly: Who are physically frail and may be cognitively fading.

Disabled: Who have particular physical or mental difficulties.

Women: Who are physically weaker than men.

Religious: Who are from minority belief groups.

Ethnic minority: Who are from minority and oppressed races.

Sexual minority: Including homosexual and transgender people.

And to varying degrees:

Destitute: Those who have no money or home.

Weaker: Those who are not disabled but who are shorter, weaker and otherwise less able to defend themselves physically.

Outcasts: Those who are reviled for some aspect of their person.

Minorities: Any small group within a bigger group.

Victims: Who have suffered at the hands of others.

Confused: Who temporarily do not have their full mental facilities to hand.

Strangers: Who do not know local places and customs.

Powerless: Who lack the ability to defend themselves or get what they need.

In other words, vulnerability is related to two major factors: weakness and difference. Weak people can be taken advantage of by those with more power. Those who are different in some way are more likely to be rejected by groups who are composed on grounds of similarity.

It should not surprise us that there are significant laws and policies to protect the vulnerable. In organizations, this includes protection for employees who may be harassed by those in power above them. In public, a key law is that people must not physically attack one another.

The first vulnerability value, to 'do no harm' is relatively easy to comply with, as it is a passive act that only requires self-control.

The second vulnerability value, to 'actively help' can be harder as it takes time and may lead to embarrassment or even putting ourselves in harm's way to protect the vulnerable. 

 

 While we may instinctively do this for our own family, it can be a difficult choice to do the same for a stranger. 

There is a danger that vulnerable people who understand this value may take excessive advantage of it, trying to force others to help them when they could perhaps be more independent and do things for themselves. Children, for example, naturally appeal to the 'nurturing parent' in adults for help, even when the child is older. Other groups may also play to their weakness, even to the point of being explicit about this ('You can't touch me, I'm ...'). This seems selfish as witnesses to this abuse of rights may be motivated to avoid helping other vulnerable people in the future.

Sometimes people play at being vulnerable in order to get attention and support. This is a part of a victim mentality, where people say 'Help me, I'm being hurt and am unable to help myself'. Separating true victims from those who precipitate their situation can be difficult, especially when such people do this unconsciously, driven perhaps by inner pain.

What are we to make of all this?

If you are one of the truly vulnerable, ask for support rather than hoping someone will help. Values will force others to give you the assistance you need. It can also help to band together with other vulnerable people.

If you have power, beware of using this to harm vulnerable people in any way as this may result in a wider majority criticizing you for your abuse.

If you are in a place of influence, then be particularly careful with vulnerable groups and individuals. It is easy for what seems like a normal credible approach to appear as taking advantage of the vulnerable person and, in turn, result in you being socially punished. 

TJ