Are You Fooling Yourself?

 

“C’mon! Let’s see what you’ve got. Just take your best shot…” 

It’s a great line from a Styx song with a chorus that repeats

“You’re fooling yourself and you don’t believe it. You’re kidding yourself, and you don’t believe it…”

The twist in the song is that “fooling yourself” doesn’t refer to an over-inflated ego or an unrecognized flaw in yourself. Instead, the song refers to unrealized potential, to an angry young man’s failure to see that his future, in reality, looks quite bright to those looking from the outside.

Sure, there are people who fool themselves (or try to fool others) with conceited over-estimations of their own abilities and contributions. However, I think that more of us fool ourselves in another way, by falsely believing we are less capable than we really are.

These self-imposed limitations cause us to give up or ,more often, not even try at all. We convince ourselves that we shouldn’t try because we can’t succeed. We protect ourselves from failure by doing only what we have already succeeded in doing before.

As a result, our possibilities become narrower, basically verifying that we are, indeed, limited.

This happens so easy because we are both creatures of habit and seekers of comfort. The saddest thing is that we only are fooling ourselves if we use our routines and limitations as security blankets.

In an age of rapidly expanding information, in a volatile economy, in a time of confusion around the world… can you honestly say that what you know and do today will always be enough? Real security comes from remaining open to trying new things. We have to adapt and risking failure for the purpose of self-development to achieve everything we are capable of achieving. 

As you read this, I hear the excuses piling up. You are fooling yourself if you are thinking “I can’t,” “I’ve never,” “I don’t know how,” “I’m not…” The truth is that you can, you will, you’ll learn and you are. However, remember it only becomes the truth when you believe it.

You Want PROOF? 

When you were at your very lowest points – less educated than you are now, less independent than you are now, and less experienced than you are now, you did new things every single day. You built skills that went way beyond your current capabilities. You were just a child. Even so, you took your best shot. You tried. You tried again and again if necessary. You did not fear failure, so you did not fail.

Consider what you are telling yourself. 

Challenge it. Don’t just take the easy way out.

Break free from self-limiting beliefs and stop fooling yourself. “Get up, get back on your feet, you’re the one they can’t beat…”

TJ

Strengthen Your Mind!

Don’t fear being and doing things alone.

Keep your focus on the future, not the past.

Understand that things take time.

Be patient, and keep trying when things are difficult.

Don’t fear being judged or criticized by others.

Decide to be the author and creator of your life.

Don’t let other people determine what you do.

Let go of all the thing you can’t control.

Learn to both accept, and to manage, your emotions.

Take calculated risks, and do what’s new and different.

TJ

When You’re Trying to Figure out your Life Remember...

We can't predict the future; we don’t know what lies ahead. All we can ever do is try to figure out a plan. 

Our friends and our parents don’t know the future either. Our life is OURS to live – don’t let ANYONE plan it for you. 

Enjoy what’s happening now; hang out, and do things with your friends...make the most of “now”. 

Uncertainty and change are a big – normal – part of life. So, learn to become comfortable with “not knowing right now.” 

Procrastination, although common, can really stop you from succeeding. Just take a step and act – regardless of the way you feel. 

 
You need to learn to focus – and ignore all distractions – otherwise, you’ll never really progress or succeed. 
 

Life is full of lots of chances – you can usually try again – or try another option if you mess things up this time.

TJ

Most Important Life Lesson

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”

According to Blaise Pascal, we fear the silence of existence, we dread boredom and instead choose aimless distraction, and we can’t help but run from the problems of our emotions into the false comforts of the mind.

The issue at the root, essentially,

is that we never learn the art of solitude.

TJ

Why We Fail

1. We see success as being determined by external factors. (So, if I fail its due to my circumstances or someone else’s fault.) 

This takes away any sense of power and keeps us stuck in failure and helplessness.

2. We have personal blind spots.
Sometimes we keep failing but we’re blind to the fact that there is something we are doing that is causing us to fail. Failure factors could be related to our communication style, our attitudes, lack of knowledge and ability, pursuing something that doesn’t suit our gifts and talents, and so on.

3. Self-sabotage.

Sometimes we don’t feel we deserve to succeed so unconsciously we do something that causes us to fail. This includes getting stuck on self-limiting thoughts (E.g., “I could never …; I don’t deserve …”).

4. We feel ambivalent (indecisive) about the goals you’ve set.

We often set a goal that is someone else’s goal so we’re not sure if it’s what we want ourselves. That affects our motivation, and our will to succeed.

5. We FEAR of change.

All success brings some change – and that can feel relatively threatening. And we’re often comfortable with our life as it is now – and so we wonder if success will really make us happier.

6. Pressure from others who don’t want you to succeed.

It’s very common for our peers to be threatened by success, and we know they’ll be sarcastic or mean if we succeed. Therefore, we don’t give it our best shot because we recognize the cost will be social isolation, or rejection by our friends or other respected peer groups.

TMJ

05/28/2018

 

Soulmate...

You never know how many things

had to happen exactly right
for you to meet the one you love,
You never know how easily

fate might have tipped you

onto some other course,
meeting some other person,

who would feel like a soulmate.

Maybe you'd still be telling those you know

it was always meant to be,
As if you knew all along

that your paths would cross.

Or maybe you'd look back at your life

and realize:
it was nothing personal,

it's all just a coincidence.

You never know.

Or do you?

TJ

Can I Stay A Little Longer

 

 

Strange how strong the instinct is, to see something incredible, and reach for a camera. As if to lend it some credibility, to prove that it's real, that 'I WAS HERE.' 

We live our lives in moments. Those rare experiences we stop to notice, and carry with us, in the hopes of stringing them together, trying to tell a story. But even in the moment, you can feel it start to fade.

 So you try to capture it, and convert it into something that will last longer than just a flash. And over time a photo feels more real than it's subject. It lets you build a version of the world that you can take with you. 

A world flattened, and simple. A world that doesn't change. That fits in the frame. A little brighter and more colorful. With everything under control. You can travel the world looking for memories, and still find yourself standing behind a camera waiting for the world to hold still. 

With every click of the shutter, you're trying to press Pause on your life. If only so you can feel a little more comfortable moving on living in a world stuck on Play. 

A part of you knows you can't take it with you but that doesn't stop you from trying.

 "What if I could stay just a little longer?" "What if we didn't have to go?" 

We try to capture moments as if we're afraid they'll escape, but they'll get away eventually. 

Take one last look. One more shot. 

So years from now you can flip back through, and try to relive it all over again.

But maybe even then, you'll be thinking to yourself, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

 

TJ

 

50 Years of Lessons Learned

 

In honor of a friend who died recently

(48 years young)

I want to share some very important

Life-Lessons I've learned.

1. You only have one go of it here on earth, so live in the “now”. 

2. Life is over quickly so fight for what matters – your values and beliefs … hopes and dreams … and those you love. 

3. If you make the sacrifice, you will reap the benefits.

4. Procrastination keeps you tied to yesterday. What you do today will determine your tomorrow. 

5. See failure as lesson, and a bridge to success. We all fail at times – it’s the way we grow and learn. 

6. What we do – not what we say – reveals our true character. 

7. Remember to be kind for everyone is fighting their own battle. 

TJ