Christmas is Over, now what?

Strengthen Your Mind!

Don’t fear being and doing things alone.

Keep your focus on the future, not the past.

Understand that things take time.

Be patient, and keep trying when things are difficult.

Don’t fear being judged or criticized by others.

Decide to be the author and creator of your life.

Don’t let other people determine what you do.

Let go of all the thing you can’t control.

Learn to both accept, and to manage, your emotions.

Take calculated risks, and do what’s new and different.

TJ

Why We Fail

1. We see success as being determined by external factors. (So, if I fail its due to my circumstances or someone else’s fault.) 

This takes away any sense of power and keeps us stuck in failure and helplessness.

2. We have personal blind spots.
Sometimes we keep failing but we’re blind to the fact that there is something we are doing that is causing us to fail. Failure factors could be related to our communication style, our attitudes, lack of knowledge and ability, pursuing something that doesn’t suit our gifts and talents, and so on.

3. Self-sabotage.

Sometimes we don’t feel we deserve to succeed so unconsciously we do something that causes us to fail. This includes getting stuck on self-limiting thoughts (E.g., “I could never …; I don’t deserve …”).

4. We feel ambivalent (indecisive) about the goals you’ve set.

We often set a goal that is someone else’s goal so we’re not sure if it’s what we want ourselves. That affects our motivation, and our will to succeed.

5. We FEAR of change.

All success brings some change – and that can feel relatively threatening. And we’re often comfortable with our life as it is now – and so we wonder if success will really make us happier.

6. Pressure from others who don’t want you to succeed.

It’s very common for our peers to be threatened by success, and we know they’ll be sarcastic or mean if we succeed. Therefore, we don’t give it our best shot because we recognize the cost will be social isolation, or rejection by our friends or other respected peer groups.

TMJ

05/28/2018

 

Do You Feel Stuck? Why?

1. Believing negative, unproductive and self-defeating thoughts. These include thoughts like “I could never … I’m not good enough to … I don’t deserve to … I’m useless at …”

2. Blaming others. It’s true that other people can have a huge affect on what happens to us, and where we are in life. But we give them too much power if we let them set our course, and see ourselves as victims, and act like we’ve no power.

3. Taking ourselves too seriously. It’s important to work hard and to have integrity – but we also have to laugh and enjoy ourselves as well. Also, decide to let things go, and put up with some mistakes. You’re not a perfect person and, the truth is - that’s OK!

4. Being afraid to take some risks or to live close to the edge. To have an interesting life you must leave your comfort zone and say “yes” to some new chances and opportunities. It will broaden your perspective, reduce anxiety, and provide you with new options and possibilities.

5. Being afraid of change. It doesn’t take much effort to stick with what you know. The unknown can seem daunting as we don’t know where that leads! But we grow as individuals and lead a richer life if we learn to accept changes, instead of being scared.

TJ 

How My Mind Sometimes Works...

 

TJ

Do wrong beliefs stress you out?

Often the thoughts we carry round in our head, and our basic beliefs about the way things should be, are a source of unnecessary stress. Here are some examples:

1. Demand for Approval: This is the belief that others must always treat us well. We must have love or approval all the time, from every single person who matters to us, or else we feel we’re worthless and unlovable.

2. High Self Expectations: This is the belief that we must always succeed, and even excel, in everything we do, or it means that we are a failure and we don’t have any value.

3. Dependency: This is the belief that we can’t cope on our own. We need to lean on others to help us all the time, and we can’t be independent and make our own decisions.

4. Helplessness: This is the belief that the events in our past have determined our future and the goals that we can set. That is, we think we’re helpless victims and that is why we have these problems.

5. Emotional Control: This where we give control to other people, and say that they are the ones who make us feel the way we do. If only they were different then we wouldn’t feel this way.

6. Personal Idealism: This is the belief that other people and the world must always be predictable, and fair and just.

7. Problem Avoidance: This is the belief that problems make life hard and should be avoided whenever possible. We don’t believe they are central for developing new skills, resilience, perseverance and character.

8. We Must Be Free from Anxiety at All Times (Discomfort Anxiety): This is the belief that we can’t cope with feeling anxious, nervous, worried or uncomfortable. Instead, life should be stress free so I don’t have to have these feelings.

9. Perfectionism: This is the belief that there is a perfect answer, or that there is only one solution, to the problems I am facing. Consequently, I’m frightened to act in case I make a mistake.

10. Over Caring: This is the belief that I must become upset and show that I care when others are upset, or it means that I am heartless and I lack compassion.

 TJ