You are Fooling Yourself

“C’mon! Let’s see what you’ve got. Just take your best shot…” 

It’s a great line from a Styx song with a chorus that repeats

“You’re fooling yourself and you don’t believe it. You’re kidding yourself, and you don’t believe it…”

The twist in the song is that “fooling yourself” doesn’t refer to an over-inflated ego or an unrecognized flaw in yourself. Instead, the song refers to unrealized potential, to an angry young man’s failure to see that his future, in reality, looks quite bright to those looking from the outside.

Sure, there are people who fool themselves (or try to fool others) with conceited over-estimations of their own abilities and contributions. However, I think that more of us fool ourselves in another way, by falsely believing we are less capable than we really are.

These self-imposed limitations cause us to give up or ,more often, not even try at all. We convince ourselves that we shouldn’t try because we can’t succeed. We protect ourselves from failure by doing only what we have already succeeded in doing before.

As a result, our possibilities become narrower, basically verifying that we are, indeed, limited.

This happens so easy because we are both creatures of habit and seekers of comfort. The saddest thing is that we only are fooling ourselves if we use our routines and limitations as security blankets.

In an age of rapidly expanding information, in a volatile economy, in a time of confusion around the world… can you honestly say that what you know and do today will always be enough? Real security comes from remaining open to trying new things. We have to adapt and risking failure for the purpose of self-development to achieve everything we are capable of achieving. 

As you read this, I hear the excuses piling up. You are fooling yourself if you are thinking “I can’t,” “I’ve never,” “I don’t know how,” “I’m not…” The truth is that you can, you will, you’ll learn and you are. However, remember it only becomes the truth when you believe it.

You Want PROOF? 

When you were at your very lowest points – less educated than you are now, less independent than you are now, and less experienced than you are now, you did new things every single day. You built skills that went way beyond your current capabilities. You were just a child. Even so, you took your best shot. You tried. You tried again and again if necessary. You did not fear failure, so you did not fail.

Consider what you are telling yourself. 

Challenge it. Don’t just take the easy way out.

Break free from self-limiting beliefs and stop fooling yourself. “Get up, get back on your feet, you’re the one they can’t beat…”

TJ

7 Reasons Why We Do What We Do

Aristotle said in his book, Rhetoric:

'Thus every action must be due to one or other of seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reasoning, anger, or appetite.'

He suggests that all actions are due either to emotion or reason and that we seek pleasant things and act to reduce pain, and he predates Freud's pleasure-pain principle by over 2000 years.

Chance

Chance events affect us all the time, and although some have little effect in changing what we do, a number of others force us to act or otherwise motivate us into action.

'The things that happen by chance are all those whose cause cannot be determined, that have no purpose, and that happen neither always nor usually nor in any fixed way.'

Nature

Natural forces are those 'originating in the body, such as the desire for nourishment, namely hunger and thirst' as well as other things, like the desire to procreate.

'Those things happen by nature which have a fixed and internal cause; they take place uniformly, either always or usually.'

Compulsions

Compulsion occurs when we feel that we must act, even though we may not want to act on the compulsion. This may be conformity with the law or dysfunctional obsessive-compulsive behavior.

'Those things happen through compulsion which take place contrary to the desire or reason of the doer, yet through his own agency.'

Habit

Habit is automatic action, and Aristotle said 'Acts are done from habit which men do because they have often done them before.' Although compulsion is unpleasant and un-useful repetition of action, habit is pleasant and generally useful.

'Habit, whether acquired by mere familiarity or by effort, belongs to the class of pleasant things, for there are many actions not naturally pleasant which men perform with pleasure, once they have become used to them.'

Reasoning

Aristotle points out that rational and reasoned action are to defined ends, achieving something that serves personal goals.

'Actions are due to reasoning when, in view of any of the goods already mentioned, they appear useful either as ends or as means to an end, and are performed for that reason.'

He also notes that when we act in a way that we believe to be rational then we also believe that it is good.

'Rational craving is a craving for good, i.e. a wish -- nobody wishes for anything unless he thinks it good. Irrational craving is twofold, viz. anger and appetite.'

Anger

Sometimes interpreted as 'passion', anger can lead to extreme action.

Anger is closely related to revenge, and anger curiously lessens when there is no prospect of vengeance.

"To passion and anger are due all acts of revenge...no one grows angry with a person on whom there is no prospect of taking vengeance, and we feel comparatively little anger, or none at all, with those who are much our superiors in power."

Appetite

Sometimes interpreted as 'desire', appetite is 'craving for pleasure'.

Although anger serves negative motivation, 'Appetite is the cause of all actions that appear pleasant'.

Aristotle pointed out that wealth or poverty is not a cause of action, although the appetite for wealth may well motivate.

'Nor, again, is action due to wealth or poverty; it is of course true that poor men, being short of money, do have an appetite for it, and that rich men, being able to command needless pleasures, do have an appetite for such pleasures: but here, again, their actions will be due not to wealth or poverty but to appetite.'

So,

These are all motivations that drive people in different ways, and some people are more affected by some causes than by others.

If you can understand how the causes affect people in specific ways, then you may be better able to influence them and motivate them effectively. 

TJ

How to Improve your Confidence

1. Be willing to fail more often because that means you’re taking on more challenges, and being prepared to try, learn and grow. 

 

2. Keep track of improvements, positive changes, successes, growth and accomplishments. Write them down.

3. Don’t compare yourself to other people. The only person you’re competing against is yourself. Also, DO NOT compare your struggles with other peoples’ successes and high points.

4. Work on your posture and your fitness levels. They affect our appearance, and how we feel about ourselves.

5. Don’t just hang out with people you are comfortable with. Also, intentionally gravitate towards those who are new or different.

6. We’re influenced by those that we spend time with. So, make friends with people who have values and exhibit good character.

7. Be a true friend to yourself – and shut off any commentary that is negative, attacking and lacking in compassion.

8. Commit to practicing these different skills because they’ll take root in time, and change the way you act and feel.

TJ

Aristotle's Motivation

Aristotle's Seven Causes

Aristotle said in his book, Rhetoric:

'Thus every action must be due to one or other of seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reasoning, anger, or appetite.'

Within this, he notes that all actions are due either to emotion or reason and that we seek pleasant things and act to reduce pain, thus predating Freud's pleasure-pain principle by over 2000 years.

Chance

Chance events affect us all the time and, although some have little effect in changing what we do, a number of others force us to act or otherwise motivate us into action.

'The things that happen by chance are all those whose cause cannot be determined, that have no purpose, and that happen neither always nor usually nor in any fixed way.'

Nature

Natural forces are those 'originating in the body, such as the desire for nourishment, namely hunger and thirst' as well as other forces, such as to procreate.

'Those things happen by nature which have a fixed and internal cause; they take place uniformly, either always or usually.'

Compulsions

Compulsion occurs when we feel that we must act, even though we may not wish to act this way. This may be compliance with the law or dysfunctional obsessive-compulsive behavior.

'Those things happen through compulsion which take place contrary to the desire or reason of the doer, yet through his own agency.'

Habit

Habit is unthinking action, and Aristotle said 'Acts are done from habit which men do because they have often done them before.' Whilst compulsion is unpleasant and un-useful repetition of action, habit is pleasant and generally useful.

'Habit, whether acquired by mere familiarity or by effort, belongs to the class of pleasant things, for there are many actions not naturally pleasant which men perform with pleasure, once they have become used to them.'

Reasoning

Aristotle points out that rational and reasoned action are to defined ends, achieving something that serves personal goals.

'Actions are due to reasoning when, in view of any of the goods already mentioned, they appear useful either as ends or as means to an end, and are performed for that reason.'

He also notes that when we act in a way that we believe to be rational then we also believe that it is good.

'Rational craving is a craving for good, i.e. a wish -- nobody wishes for anything unless he thinks it good. Irrational craving is twofold, viz. anger and appetite.'

Anger

Sometimes interpreted as 'passion', anger can lead to extreme action.

Anger is closely related to revenge, and anger curiously lessens when there is no prospect of vengeance.

'To passion and anger are due all acts of revenge...no one grows angry with a person on whom there is no prospect of taking vengeance, and we feel comparatively little anger, or none at all, with those who are much our superiors in power.'

Aristotle notes that 'angry people suffer extreme pain when they fail to get their revenge'. Applying the pain-reduction principle, then perhaps it is not surprising that anger reduces in such circumstances.

Appetite

Sometimes interpreted as 'desire', appetite is 'craving for pleasure'.

Whilst anger serves negative motivation, 'Appetite is the cause of all actions that appear pleasant'.

Aristotle pointed out that wealth or poverty is not a cause of action, although the appetite for wealth may well motivate.

'Nor, again, is action due to wealth or poverty; it is of course true that poor men, being short of money, do have an appetite for it, and that rich men, being able to command needless pleasures, do have an appetite for such pleasures: but here, again, their actions will be due not to wealth or poverty but to appetite.'

These are all motivations that drive people in different ways, and some people are more affected by some causes than by others. 

If you can understand how the causes affect people in specific ways, then you may be better able to influence them and motivate them effectively.  

Aristotle, Rhetoric, Book 1, Chapter 10

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