Ironic Reversal...What in the world...

When we are trying to avoid doing, saying or thinking about something, we often find that this is impossible.

This is because of the 'Catch 22' situation that in order to avoid thinking about something, we need to know what we are trying to avoid and hence we have to think about it. The situation then gets worse as our failure to succeed causes us to work harder at the task.

The thought can also act as a block against other thoughts. When searching for a word for a particular situation, the more available words that pop into our minds first become more available and consequently keep coming back when we try to think of other words.

As we get worn out by this fruitless task, our ability to control the situation weakens, we get stuck in the cycle and thinking can easily turn into saying and doing. Repetition also tends to strengthen our belief in what we are thinking, as in Mere Exposure Theory.

This spiral can easily fall into obsessive-compulsive behaviors and many psychological disorders include an inability to stop thinking about something uncomfortable.

Hypnotists use this in phrases like 'You may notice how, as your eyes close, your hand gets heavier and you sink into a deep trance.'

When you are trying to solve a crossword puzzle or quiz question, even though your first idea is not right, it gets in the way of you finding the correct answer.

Telling children not to drop a plate makes them think about dropping it, and that often takes them a step closer to the act!

If you want someone to think about something, talk about it (or even tell them not to do/say/think about it). To accentuate the effect, get them cognitively overloaded and stressed beforehand.

The way out of the trap is not to try. It's like going to sleep: the more you try, the more you can't. The trick is to not be bothered about it, reducing the stress.

TJ

Thinking About The Past

Your life is written in permanent ink. There's no going back to erase the past, tweak your mistakes, or fill in missed opportunities. When the moment's over, your fate is sealed. 

Are you sure?

Maybe, if you look a little closer, you will notice that the ink never really dries on any of our experiences. These experiences change their meaning the longer you look at them.

There are more ways of thinking about the past than just nostalgia or regret. There is also a kind of questioning that enhances an experience after the fact. To really contemplate the past is to allow fresh context to be introduced over the years to fill out the picture. 

This helps us to keep the memory alive, so it does not become just a caricature of itself. It helps us because we can look honestly at a painful experience, and call it by its name.

Time is the most powerful force in the universe. It can turn a giant into someone completely human, just trying to make their way through life. Or time can tell you how you really felt about someone, even if you couldn't feel it or say it at the time. It can put your childhood dreams in context with adult problems or turn a universal consensus into an embarrassing fad. It can expose cracks in a relationship that once seemed perfect.

Or time can keep a friendship going through thoughts alone, even if you'll never see them again. Time can cause a complete 180 degree turn and make your greatest shame into the source of your greatest power, or time can turn a moment of pride into something nice, but done for the wrong reasons.

Time can also make what felt like the end of the world look like a natural part of life.

For just about everyone, the past is still mostly a blank page, so we may be doomed to repeat it. However, the past is still worth considering if it brings you closer to the truth.

Maybe it's not so bad to dwell in the past, and walk around in the memories, to lessen the simplification of time, and put some effort into reconstructing it.

Maybe we should think of memory itself as an art form, in which the real work begins as soon as the paint hits the canvas. And remember that a work of art is never finished, only abandoned.

TJ 

Risk? Yep!

One thing I could never be accused of is being afraid to take risks. Risk has been so interwoven in my life it is akin to an old comfortable pair of shoes.

Watching those around me, I am constantly amazed at the fear of risk most people exhibit. Now I am not talking about stupid risks like walking on the edge of a tall building. I am talking about the fear of failure that causes life-paralysis in so many people. They stop truly living and surrender their dreams to the reality of an ordinary run of the mill life.

Not trying to realize your dreams, in order to remain comfortable, seems almost criminal. Someone once said, and it is my life-quote, “it is never too late to be what you might have been.”

Thinking about this subject has resulted in some interesting revelations about why some people try to avoid risk.

1. Embarrassment – Nobody wants to look bad. And if you take a risk and fall flat on your face, you might embarrass yourself. So what? Get over it. The only way to get better at anything is to take steps forward. That includes missteps that can cause you to fall down. Making small steps is even better than standing still. Success is not one step; it is a series of steps. If you stumble once in a while, shake it off, and let it go.

2. Rationalization – This is the “second guessing” trap. Second guessing everything they do to the point of procrastination. A great quote goes something like this, “Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” If you take risks and fail, you will have fewer regrets than if you do nothing and fail.

"Timendi causa est nescire"
The cause of fear is ignorance


TJ

Want to be SUCCESSFUL?

You NEED these traits!

1. Independence
2. Self-confidence
3. Persistence
4. Creative thinking
5. Being thick skinned
6. Knowing who you are and what you want from life
7. Setting clear goals – and going after them
8. Staying focused
9. Optimism
10. Passion for life

TJ

Leadership Wisdom

Leaders create environments and relationships where others change themselves.

We are transitioning from a knowledge-based to a wisdom-based economy.   It’s no longer about what you know, but what you do with what you know.   When leaders lack subject matter expertise, they fail to develop the wisdom to communicate effectively.

Leaders who lack confidence are poor communicators. They may have a tendency to overcompensate by being loud and obnoxious. They create a lot of noise and say more than what is required to appear important – in an effort to hide their insecurities and self-trust about the subject matter.

Most leaders will not admit to their vulnerability – but it becomes quite apparent through their poor communication skills.

When leaders are inconsistent communicators, it makes it difficult for others to rely upon their leadership and take action.

When leaders believe they can change others they adopt strategies and behaviors that create resistance in others. Leaders don’t change others.

 

Ineffective leaders spend too much time thinking about changing others and not enough thinking about changing themselves.

TJ