5 Steps to Overcome Apathy

1. We often feel apathetic when we’ve picked the wrong goals or when have no goals or direction for our life. So, look at what motivates you, or makes you feel alive.

2. Stop listening to others and their views on success. Success really is doing what’s important to YOU.

3. Try to think of some small accomplishment that will improve how you feel – and just do one small thing, and note how good it makes you feel!

4. Look for someone who could function as a role model for you – who didn’t have advantages but made something of life. If they can do it – it means that you can, too!

5. Visualize how great you’ll feel if you keep persevering, and get what is important to you, and the affect it will have on your life!

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How Now Shall We Live?

"The Bible teaches that there is a holy God whose law 

constitutes a transcendent, universally valid standard of 

right and wrong. 

Our choice has no effect at all on this standard; 

our choice simply determines whether we accept it, or

 reject it and suffer the consequences."

  Charles W. Colson

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7 Tips for Dealing with Stress

1. Make a list of the most important things to do each day, in order of priority. Think of exactly how you’ll get these done – and don’t think about all the other extra things.

2. Be aware of the triggers that cause you to feel stressed and then imagine coping successfully with these, so you stay in control and can keep getting on with life.

3. When you notice your stress rising, try to focus on your breathing, and make sure that this is slow, even, deep and regular.

4. Take some time out to recover and invest in yourself so you feel you’re being supported, and allowed to take your time – instead of feeling pressurized, controlled, or else boxed in.

5. Learn to say “no” and to set some boundaries. You only need to do what’s best for you right now. You don’t have to please others, or to do what others say.

6. Don’t run away from problems. Avoiding them only makes things worse. It’s better to be brave … and then to do what should be done. In the long run, it will help you, and you’ll feel a lot less stressed.

7. Talk to other people to see if they can help. Sometimes it makes a difference if someone else is there, and can listen, and support you, when your life is difficult.

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You Are NOT A Leader If:

You’re waiting on a bigger staff and more money to accomplish your vision.
 
You think you need to be in charge to have influence.
 
You’re content.
 
You tend to foster division instead of generating a helpful dialogue.
 
You think you need to say something to be heard.
 
You find it easier to blame others for your circumstances than to take responsibility for solutions.
 
It’s been some time since you said, “I messed up.”
 
You’re driven by the task instead of the relationships and the vision.
 
Your dreams are so small, people think they can be achieved.
 
No one is following you.    


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7 Questions to Help You Change Your Life

1. If you had all the money in the world, how would you choose to spend your life? 

2. What makes, and when do, you lose yourself…and later realize that you lost all track of time?

3. What lifts your spirits on a dark day?

4. When you are old, and you look back on your life, what things will matter to you the most?

5. What are 3 things that you really hope to achieve in life?

6. What kind of person do you want to be?

7. Who would you say is a role model for a life well-lived?

 

 

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10 Qualities that can make your personality attractive

Someone with an attractive personality:

1. Is warm and friendly towards others

2. Is open and real

3. Knows their own strengths and weaknesses - and neither boasts nor puts themselves down

4. Looks for the good in every situation, and is generally positive and optimistic

5. Doesn’t gossip or pass on others’ secrets

6. Doesn’t gloat when things go wrong for others

7. Is secure and has a healthy self–esteem; is not self-centered and narcissistic

8. Is not highly critical or argumentative

9. Is not possessive and jealous in relationships

10. Makes time for the people they care about

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Freud, Jung, and The Bible

History teaches us that Freud and Jung were friends, or at least had some sort of relationship. Jung eventually jettisoned some of Freud’s theories, and began to embrace his own set of ideas which he called analytical. Both of these men believed in the idea that the unconscious mind was the gateway to understanding how the mind worked. However, Jung used a more multilayered idea of the unconscious mind than did Freud.

A very interesting difference between the two men relates to religion. Freud believed religion was just a way to escape reality, and not true on any level. Freud was kind of Marxists in his stance about religion. He felt it was mainly for the simpleminded. Freud placed his faith completely in the unconscious mind’s ability to cure neurosis. Jung, however, believed there was a place for religion in the individuation of the individual. He also believed it was important to communication between different people groups. Jung believed that although religions differed, archetypes remained static. Jung was not Christian, and may have even been more involved with occult type practices. Whatever the case he still saw use for religion that Freud did not see.

Freud and Jung disagreed what made up the unconscious. Freud defined it as a group of ideas, experiences, and concepts that a person would refuse to deal with, and that would ultimately lead to some form of neuroses. Jung took this idea a step further in stating that people also had a collective version of this same issue that was common to all people. A distinction that really comes into play here is the motivation. Freud believed it was repressed of expressed sexuality. Jung, rightly in my opinion, believed that sex was only one of many of the driving forces of human behavior. Jung believed that people are motivated mostly by their need to achieve individuation, or put more simply to feel whole or complete. The bible tells us that this desire can only can only be realized through Jesus Christ, “The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy; I (Jesus) come that they might have life, and might have it abundantly” (John 10:10, NASB). This passage tells us that self-acceptance (individuation) is only possible through placing our faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. Freud believed that the only way to achieve self-acceptance was for a person to uncover and open the unconscious mind and discover happiness on their own through therapy. Jung, however believed that the regulation of emotions hindered the unconscious mind’s movement toward individuation.

Within therapy Freud wanted to pound the unconscious into releasing repressed feelings. Jung thought the goal of therapy was to help someone understand the role of the unconscious, and help the patient better guide how it worked.

Part 2

In reading both chapters 8 and 9 by Jones & Butman, I really do not have any issues with their stance on any of the material addressed by the authors. In the big picture, I did find one standout passage, “According to Alderians, social interest is the highest intrinsic value” (Jones, 1991). This idea seems to permeate several areas of thought within psychology. On the surface it seems laudable, but the natural consequences of life lived this way can lead to monumental misunderstanding of the basis of Christianity. Jesus, quoting the first commandment, “And He said to him, " 'YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND.' This is the great and foremost commandment.” (Matthew 22:37-38, NASB). This should be the source of highest intrinsic value for Christians. Amazingly enough all life begins here, and unless it begins here no amount of social interest will ever produce meaning and purpose in our lives.

Reference

Stanton Jones and Richard Butman, Modern Psychotherapies: A Comprehensive Christian Appraisal (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1991), 235.

"Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission." 

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Anxiety!!!

The origins of GAD, panic disorder, phobias, PTSD, and OCD can be bio-psycho-social. They all tend to be fear/anxiety based. For the most part those fears and anxieties cause significant impairment of the person’s day to day functioning privately as well as socially. With PTSD being the exception to the rule, most of these anxieties begin early in life with GAD and phobias tending to grow for less acute beginnings. Most of the disorders are prevalent in younger populations, but GAD is most commonly seen among the elderly. 

Combined statistics show anxiety disorders to affect less than 13% of the population. OCD seems to affect the least number at 2.6%, while social phobias run close to 13%. Public speaking is thought to be the number one social phobia. Now for the interesting part of this study, it appears as if women are disproportionately affected by anxiety disorders. However, I would like to do a study using different variables because, in my opinion, the average man is much less forthcoming about his emotional wellbeing than the average woman. I personally believe the numbers may be skewed for several reasons. 

Among those reasons might be that men tend to try to put on a macho image that will usually manifest itself devoid of fear. Women tend to be much more honest about their fears. Both of these ideas are based on the social norms within our culture. Finally, all of the disorders mentioned respond best to cognitive-behavior therapy. Meds can be used for some, but the relapse rate upon ceasing the medication is high for all of the disorders.

I have often been told I have OCD. Hopefully those comments are in jest. Like most people I worry was too much about things I cannot control. Here is a great illustration I have used from time to time,
One morning Death was walking into a city when a man stopped him and asked what he was doing. Death answered, “I’m going into the city to kill 10,000 people.” The man replied, “That’s terrible that you would kill 10,000 people.” Death responded, “Taking people when their time has come is my job. Today I have to get my 10,000.” Later, as Death was coming out of the city, the man met him. Again, he was furious. He said, “You told me this morning that you were going to take 10,000 people, but 70,000 died today.” Death answered, “Don’t get mad at me. I only took 10,000. Worry killed all the rest (Robinson 1991).
As far as my misconceptions about dissociative disorders go I have been amazed that they exist in such a small portion of the overall population. Spending as much time with large groups of people as I have done through the years makes me wonder if I don’t know a disproportionately large percentage of the stated percentage! Christians seem to worry as much, if not more, than people I know who do not know Jesus Christ. Personally, I link that fact to “works theology,” which is a faulty theology at best, and a sinful yoke at worst. Christians believe that God is a cosmic kill-joy with mountains of rules. The Bible teaches just the opposite by telling us that there is nothing we can do to earn Heaven, and we should lay our worries at the feet of the Lord.

After this study, I will be less inclined to move to this type of disorder so quickly. With so few people in this category it would be prudent to entertain more options for a diagnosis. These disorders, mentioned in chapter 4, would be very easy to use as quick fixes to problems that could be much deeper.
Final Thought:
The poet Robert Frost (1874–1963) wrote, “The reason why worry kills more people than work is because more people worry than work.”
Do you believe this?
What do you think he meant by “work?”
Haddon W. Robinson, What Jesus Said About Successful Living (Grand Rapids: RBC, 1991), 221.
"Virtus, non copia vincint"
Courage, not multitude wins

Praying for America

Life 101

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8 Myths About Procrastination

Chronic procrastination is more common than many other ailments, but there's a lot we have wrong about why we put things off.

It’s easy to put things off, from starting a big project at work to making a dental appointment. Everybody procrastinates, says Joseph Ferrari, PhD, professor of psychology at DePaul University in Chicago, but not everybody is a procrastinator.

"Twenty to 25% of adults are chronic procrastinators; it affects their home, school, relationships, and job—wherever they have to do something," says Ferrari, author of Still Procrastinating: The No-Regrets Guide to Getting It Done. "That’s higher than the rate for depression, substance abuse, phobias, and other psychological abnormalities. People think it’s humorous, but it can be a serious problem."

Everybody procrastinates, but not everybody is a procrastinator. 

 

Perpetuating the lackadaisical attitude toward procrastination are the myths that surround it. Ferrari shares eight misconceptions about putting things off, and offers some tips on how to re-frame our thinking.

Myth #1: Procrastination is a time-management problem.

It’s a misnomer to say procrastination is a time-management issue, says Ferrari. "We cannot manage time; time is and cannot be controlled," he says. "We can only manage ourselves and how well we fit into time."
Ferrari says people procrastinate because they don’t value the time of others. "As a culture, we don’t give the early bird the worm; we cut the worm up and make sure everybody gets a piece that is the same because we’re more concerned with being fair," he says. "We don’t offer rewards for doing things early; instead, we punish for doing things late."

Myth #2: Procrastination is a self-esteem problem.

Instead of worrying that they aren’t up to the task, procrastinators put things off due to issues with social-esteem, says Ferrari.

We don’t offer rewards for doing things early; instead, we punish for doing things late.

"Procrastinators say, ‘If I never finish a task, you can’t judge me as being incompetent,’" he says. "They would rather have the negative public image that they lack effort than ability. Lacking effort implies that they might have the ability, and that’s not as damaging as lacking skill."

Myth #3: Procrastinating is delaying a decision.

Good leaders often wait and gather more information before choosing a course of action. Procrastinators, on the other hand, avoid making the decision at all, absolving themselves of the responsibility for the outcome.
"It’s an inability to make up your mind," says Ferrari. "You work on A so you don’t have to think about B. It’s active avoidance, and you don’t feel good about it."

Myth #4: Procrastination is a bigger problem in the U.S.

Not true, says Ferrari, who has been studying procrastination for 30 years. "This is not a U.S. phenomenon," he says. "It’s common in Canada, England, Peru, Austria, Poland, Italy, Japan—just about any country you can imagine."
This month, Ferrari is attending the 9th Biennial Conference on Procrastination, in Germany, where one of the topics to be explored is the role of culture in procrastination.

Myth #5: Our lives are busier than ever.

This is an insult to our ancestors, says Ferrari: "Do you think they didn’t have a busy life on the farm, with fields to plow, roofs to fix, goods to can, homes to clean?" he asks. "There are 168 hours in a week and it’s been 168 hours for centuries. We have no more or no less to do in that amount of time than any person at any other point in history."

We have no more or no less to do in that amount of time than any person at any other point in history.

Myth #6: Procrastinating is hereditary.

Procrastination is learned, not inborn, says Ferrari. While a recent study from the University of Edinburgh suggests that procrastinating is similar to impulsivity and is in some people’s DNA, Ferrari believes the research is flawed and dangerous.
"If you say procrastination is genetic, then there is no need to change," he says. Instead, procrastination is a byproduct of a person’s upbringing and environment, and can be learned in families. Nurture, not nature.

Myth #7: Technology has made procrastination worse.

In 2006, a newspaper reporter interviewed Ferrari about the 50th anniversary of the alarm clock snooze button, and suggested that it was the first technology for enabling procrastination.
"An extra nine minutes to sleep isn’t bad, unless you go through the process four or five times," he says. "Whether it’s a snooze button, telephone, or automobile, it’s not technology that’s bad. It’s that we figure out a way to abuse any technology and make it into something that becomes an excuse for procrastination."

Myth #8: Procrastination gets better with age.

Data show 70% of college students procrastinate and 20% of adults are chronic procrastinators, but that doesn’t mean that people get better over time, says Ferrari.
"College students may engage in delaying their studies, but if their boss needed them or they had a social event to attend, they would be there on time," he says. "Chronic procrastination doesn’t lessen with age."


Ref:
Stephanie Vozza -  Fast Company & Inc © 2015 Mansueto Ventures, LLC


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Living Out God's Design for Marriage

Matt Chandler

Christian Nation???

40 Questions for Christians Now Waving Rainbow Flags

For evangelicals who lament last Friday’s Supreme Court decision, it’s been a hard few days. We aren’t asking for emotional pity, nor do I suspect many people are eager to give us any. Our pain is not sacred. Making legal and theological decisions based on what makes people feel better is part of what got us into this mess in the first place. Nevertheless, it still hurts.

There are many reasons for our lamentation, from fear that religious liberties will be taken away to worries about social ostracism and cultural marginalization. But of all the things that grieve us, perhaps what’s been most difficult is seeing some of our friends, some of our family members, and some of the folks we’ve sat next to in church giving their hearty “Amen” to a practice we still think is a sin and a decision we think is bad for our country. It’s one thing for the whole nation to throw a party we can’t in good conscience attend. It’s quite another to look around for friendly faces to remind us we’re not alone and then find that they are out there jamming on the dance floor. We thought the rainbow was God’s sign (Gen. 9:8-17).

If you consider yourself a Bible-believing Christian, a follower of Jesus whose chief aim is to glorify God and enjoy him forever, there are important questions I hope you will consider before picking up your flag and cheering on the sexual revolution. 

These questions aren’t meant to be snarky or merely rhetorical. They are sincere, if pointed, questions that I hope will cause my brothers and sisters with the new rainbow themed avatars to slow down and think about the flag you’re flying.

1. How long have you believed that gay marriage is something to be celebrated?

2. What Bible verses led you to change your mind?

3. How would you make a positive case from Scripture that sexual activity between two persons of the same sex is a blessing to be celebrated?

4. What verses would you use to show that a marriage between two persons of the same sex can adequately depict Christ and the church?

5. Do you think Jesus would have been okay with homosexual behavior between consenting adults in a committed relationship?

6. If so, why did he reassert the Genesis definition of marriage as being one man and one woman?

7. When Jesus spoke against porneia what sins do you think he was forbidding?

8. If some homosexual behavior is acceptable, how do you understand the sinful “exchange” Paul highlights in Romans 1?

9. Do you believe that passages like 1 Corinthians 6:9 and Revelation 21:8 teach that sexual immorality can keep you out of heaven?

10. What sexual sins do you think they were referring to?

11. As you think about the long history of the church and the near universal disapproval of same-sex sexual activity, what do you think you understand about the Bible that Augustine, Aquinas, Calvin, and Luther failed to grasp?

12. What arguments would you use to explain to Christians in Africa, Asia, and South America that their understanding of homosexuality is biblically incorrect and your new understanding of homosexuality is not culturally conditioned?

13. Do you think Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were motivated by personal animus and bigotry when they, for almost all of their lives, defined marriage as a covenant relationship between one man and one woman?

14. Do you think children do best with a mother and a father?

15. If not, what research would you point to in support of that conclusion?

16. If yes, does the church or the state have any role to play in promoting or privileging the arrangement that puts children with a mom and a dad?

17. Does the end and purpose of marriage point to something more than an adult’s emotional and sexual fulfillment?

18. How would you define marriage?

19. Do you think close family members should be allowed to get married?

20. Should marriage be limited to only two people?

21. On what basis, if any, would you prevent consenting adults of any relation and of any number from getting married?

22. Should there be an age requirement in this country for obtaining a marriage license?

23. Does equality entail that anyone wanting to be married should be able to have any meaningful relationship defined as marriage?

24. If not, why not?

25. Should your brothers and sisters in Christ who disagree with homosexual practice be allowed to exercise their religious beliefs without fear of punishment, retribution, or coercion?

26. Will you speak up for your fellow Christians when their jobs, their accreditation, their reputation, and their freedoms are threatened because of this issue?

27. Will you speak out against shaming and bullying of all kinds, whether against gays and lesbians or against Evangelicals and Catholics?

28. Since the evangelical church has often failed to take unbiblical divorces and other sexual sins seriously, what steps will you take to ensure that gay marriages are healthy and accord with Scriptural principles?

29. Should gay couples in open relationships be subject to church discipline?

30. Is it a sin for LGBT persons to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage?

31. What will open and affirming churches do to speak prophetically against divorce, fornication, pornography, and adultery wherever they are found?

32. If “love wins,” how would you define love?

33. What verses would you use to establish that definition?

34. How should obedience to God’s commands shape our understanding of love?

35. Do you believe it is possible to love someone and disagree with important decisions they make?

36. If supporting gay marriage is a change for you, has anything else changed in your understanding of faith?

37. As an evangelical, how has your support for gay marriage helped you become more passionate about traditional evangelical distinctives like a focus on being born again, the substitutionary sacrifice of Christ on the cross, the total trustworthiness of the Bible, and the urgent need to evangelize the lost?

38. What open and affirming churches would you point to where people are being converted to orthodox Christianity, sinners are being warned of judgment and called to repentance, and missionaries are being sent out to plant churches among unreached peoples?

39. Do you hope to be more committed to the church, more committed to Christ, and more committed to the Scriptures in the years ahead?

40. When Paul at the end of Romans 1 rebukes “those who practice such things” and those who “give approval to those who practice them,” what sins do you think he has in mind?

Food for thought, I hope.

At the very least, something to chew on before swallowing everything the world and Facebook put on our plate.

 Kevin DeYoung is senior pastor of University Reformed Church in East Lansing, Michigan, near Michigan State University. He and his wife Trisha have six young children. You can follow him on Twitter.

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