Do wrong beliefs stress you out?

Often the thoughts we carry round in our head, and our basic beliefs about the way things should be, are a source of unnecessary stress. Here are some examples:

1. Demand for Approval: This is the belief that others must always treat us well. We must have love or approval all the time, from every single person who matters to us, or else we feel we’re worthless and unlovable.

2. High Self Expectations: This is the belief that we must always succeed, and even excel, in everything we do, or it means that we are a failure and we don’t have any value.

3. Dependency: This is the belief that we can’t cope on our own. We need to lean on others to help us all the time, and we can’t be independent and make our own decisions.

4. Helplessness: This is the belief that the events in our past have determined our future and the goals that we can set. That is, we think we’re helpless victims and that is why we have these problems.

5. Emotional Control: This where we give control to other people, and say that they are the ones who make us feel the way we do. If only they were different then we wouldn’t feel this way.

6. Personal Idealism: This is the belief that other people and the world must always be predictable, and fair and just.

7. Problem Avoidance: This is the belief that problems make life hard and should be avoided whenever possible. We don’t believe they are central for developing new skills, resilience, perseverance and character.

8. We Must Be Free from Anxiety at All Times (Discomfort Anxiety): This is the belief that we can’t cope with feeling anxious, nervous, worried or uncomfortable. Instead, life should be stress free so I don’t have to have these feelings.

9. Perfectionism: This is the belief that there is a perfect answer, or that there is only one solution, to the problems I am facing. Consequently, I’m frightened to act in case I make a mistake.

10. Over Caring: This is the belief that I must become upset and show that I care when others are upset, or it means that I am heartless and I lack compassion.

 TJ

How to Cope with Change

1. See CHANGE as a process, not a one-time event.

When you make a change in your life, there are lots of small adaptations to be made.

It takes time to process and adjust to those changes – so be patient with yourself.

2. CHANGE the way you think about change.

Try to see it in a positive light.

Even although there are lots of negatives and challenges, you’re likely to benefit in the end.

3. Face your FEELINGS, and especially the negative ones.

If you don’t, they’ll simmer beneath the surface and make it harder for you to cope.

Feelings are neither good nor bad.

They just are. If you feel bad, you feel bad!

4. Notice any areas where you have CONTROL as that will help you to feel less trapped or boxed in.

5. Pay attention to your THOUGHTS and ATTITUDES –

and choose to look for the positives, and to frame uncertainties in a hopeful way.

6. Stay in touch with people who care, and can act as a SUPPORT in this time of change.

TJ

 TJ

7 Tips for Dealing with Stress

1. Make a list of the most important things to do each day, in order of priority. Think of exactly how you’ll get these done – and don’t think about all the other extra things.

2. Be aware of the triggers that cause you to feel stressed and then imagine coping successfully with these, so you stay in control and can keep getting on with life.

3. When you notice your stress rising, try to focus on your breathing, and make sure that this is slow, even, deep and regular.

4. Take some time out to recover and invest in yourself so you feel you’re being supported, and allowed to take your time – instead of feeling pressurized, controlled, or else boxed in.

5. Learn to say “no” and to set some boundaries. You only need to do what’s best for you right now. You don’t have to please others, or to do what others say.

6. Don’t run away from problems. Avoiding them only makes things worse. It’s better to be brave … and then to do what should be done. In the long run, it will help you, and you’ll feel a lot less stressed.

7. Talk to other people to see if they can help. Sometimes it makes a difference if someone else is there, and can listen, and support you, when your life is difficult.

T