Power or Powerless?

When two people interact, there is always a disparity in power, meaning one person is, to some degree, more vulnerable. The values we develop concerning vulnerability help us to compensate for this difference by limiting the actions of the more powerful person, particularly if the less vulnerable person falls into one of these categories:

Children: Who are smaller, innocent and understand less.

Elderly: Who are physically frail and may be cognitively fading.

Disabled: Who have particular physical or mental difficulties.

Women: Who are physically weaker than men.

Religious: Who are from minority belief groups.

Ethnic minority: Who are from minority and oppressed races.

Sexual minority: Including homosexual and transgender people.

And to varying degrees:

Destitute: Those who have no money or home.

Weaker: Those who are not disabled but who are shorter, weaker and otherwise less able to defend themselves physically.

Outcasts: Those who are reviled for some aspect of their person.

Minorities: Any small group within a bigger group.

Victims: Who have suffered at the hands of others.

Confused: Who temporarily do not have their full mental facilities to hand.

Strangers: Who do not know local places and customs.

Powerless: Who lack the ability to defend themselves or get what they need.

In other words, vulnerability is related to two major factors: weakness and difference. Weak people can be taken advantage of by those with more power. Those who are different in some way are more likely to be rejected by groups who are composed on grounds of similarity.

It should not surprise us that there are significant laws and policies to protect the vulnerable. In organizations, this includes protection for employees who may be harassed by those in power above them. In public, a key law is that people must not physically attack one another.

The first vulnerability value, to 'do no harm' is relatively easy to comply with, as it is a passive act that only requires self-control.

The second vulnerability value, to 'actively help' can be harder as it takes time and may lead to embarrassment or even putting ourselves in harm's way to protect the vulnerable. 

 

 While we may instinctively do this for our own family, it can be a difficult choice to do the same for a stranger. 

There is a danger that vulnerable people who understand this value may take excessive advantage of it, trying to force others to help them when they could perhaps be more independent and do things for themselves. Children, for example, naturally appeal to the 'nurturing parent' in adults for help, even when the child is older. Other groups may also play to their weakness, even to the point of being explicit about this ('You can't touch me, I'm ...'). This seems selfish as witnesses to this abuse of rights may be motivated to avoid helping other vulnerable people in the future.

Sometimes people play at being vulnerable in order to get attention and support. This is a part of a victim mentality, where people say 'Help me, I'm being hurt and am unable to help myself'. Separating true victims from those who precipitate their situation can be difficult, especially when such people do this unconsciously, driven perhaps by inner pain.

What are we to make of all this?

If you are one of the truly vulnerable, ask for support rather than hoping someone will help. Values will force others to give you the assistance you need. It can also help to band together with other vulnerable people.

If you have power, beware of using this to harm vulnerable people in any way as this may result in a wider majority criticizing you for your abuse.

If you are in a place of influence, then be particularly careful with vulnerable groups and individuals. It is easy for what seems like a normal credible approach to appear as taking advantage of the vulnerable person and, in turn, result in you being socially punished. 

TJ

Is Your Family "Normal"???

“Normal” seems to be a moving target when discussing the family. Walsh claims that “normal” is not usable category when trying to describe the family and that family should be defined more in terms of markers present. 

I believe that cultural shifting probably plays some role in what most people consider a normal family. The basic Christian belief that all humans are created in the image of God, and therefore equally valuable before God, should be the mantra that equalizes the differences between. However, societal/cultural shifting concerning the value and dignity of human life has contributed to the diminishing role of this Christian belief. Culture has shifted to more of a comparative view of people, and when we compare ourselves to each other we soon find that no family is “normal.”

The thought process behind comparing, whether we understand it or not, views people more in terms of worthiness, honor, success, and just about any other attribute we might inject into the comparison.

I’m off the soap-box now.

Assessing normality seems to be a very arduous task. Do we base our evaluation of a family on sociological, psychological, or biological factors? What I have learned is that to properly evaluate a family one must include all of the above to varying degrees. From a secular point of view, families need to be groups that provide for the basic needs of the members of the group such as food, money, shelter, psychological support, and problem solving. 

However, I might offer a few thoughts about what constitutes a “normal” family. I would suggest the idea that normal families can have some minor problems and even major problems although these should be few. “Normal” families can have communication problems, and they often will. The reason, I suggest, is that although God created everything and called it “Good.” Man (and woman) fell into sin, and therefore no matter how perfect a family may seem, there will never be a perfect family situation. We are not capable of normal. So, how do I define “normal?” “Normal” is the family that amidst all of life’s struggles, including social, psychological, and biological, strive to maintain God’s original design for the family (two people helping one another, loving one another, and serving those around them). This is how they show Christ-like behavior toward those within the family group, and to those outside the family group.

Do you think that trying to maintain a "traditional family" makes it a "normal family"? 

If so, why?

KJ

10 Things that can Wreck your Life

1. Not living in the moment. Always wishing you were somewhere else, doing something different with other people. 

2. Blaming your problems on your past. Although the past affects us, it need not define us. We can choose, decide and act – and take control of our lives. Don’t let your past heartache and pain affect who you become. 

3. Running away from problems. It’s pointless to bury your head in the sand and pretend that things are fine when you’re dealing with a problem. Face reality, take action and work to turn things round. 

4. Being ungrateful. Being thankful sets you free in your heart and mind. It inspires all that’s good and, also, oils relationships. But an ungrateful person will wear others down. It destroys your spirit, and it saps your energy. 

5. Being angry and bitter. Refusing to forgive and bearing grudges against others will slowly poison our personality. It’s much better to release them and to focus, instead, on living a happy and fulfilling life. 

6. Letting your expectations rule your life. Life rarely goes smoothly and according to plan – and people disappoint us and let us down. Accepting this is normal takes some tension out of life.

7. Disrespecting yourself and others. Every single person deserves respect, and every single person is fighting their own battle. So focus on being kind, understanding and forgiving. 

8. Neglecting important relationship. A relationship that’s built on unconditional love – where a person accepts us for who and what we are – is truly a gift and is worth fighting for. Don’t take it for granted – recognize that it’s a gift. 

9. Loving people who are bad for us. Not every person will build into your life. Be aware of those who who’ll use you, or who want to bring you down, or who want to hurt you, or destroy your confidence. 

10. Never taking risks. If you always play it safe, you’ll find you end up going nowhere. You must be ready and willing to take risks. If you don’t, you may regret it as you’ll miss so much in life. 

TJ

7 Things We Need To Start Doing

1. Spend more time with the right kind of people.
That is, the kind of people who value and accept you, and will always love you unconditionally.

2. Don’t ignore your problems. They won’t just go away.
You need to face and confront them.

3. Decide to be yourself, with your own identity.
Don’t live to please others, it only leads to grief!

4. Instead of focusing on failure, see it simply as a lesson.
We all make mistakes. It’s what you do after you make a mistake that really counts.

5. Be nicer and much more understanding with yourself.
Choose to cut yourself some slack and try to be less critical.

6. Enjoy and appreciate the blessings in your life.
We often overlook the fact that there are plenty of things that have gone right!

7. Help others believe in themselves.
You can make a difference in another person’s life.


TJ

7 Tips for Dealing with Stress

1. Make a list of the most important things to do each day, in order of priority. Think of exactly how you’ll get these done – and don’t think about all the other extra things.

2. Be aware of the triggers that cause you to feel stressed and then imagine coping successfully with these, so you stay in control and can keep getting on with life.

3. When you notice your stress rising, try to focus on your breathing, and make sure that this is slow, even, deep and regular.

4. Take some time out to recover and invest in yourself so you feel you’re being supported, and allowed to take your time – instead of feeling pressurized, controlled, or else boxed in.

5. Learn to say “no” and to set some boundaries. You only need to do what’s best for you right now. You don’t have to please others, or to do what others say.

6. Don’t run away from problems. Avoiding them only makes things worse. It’s better to be brave … and then to do what should be done. In the long run, it will help you, and you’ll feel a lot less stressed.

7. Talk to other people to see if they can help. Sometimes it makes a difference if someone else is there, and can listen, and support you, when your life is difficult.

T