Focus on What You Have

 

This just hit me, but I hope it helps someone dealing with loss:

 

It might seem easier to focus

on the future you’ve lost

instead of the one you can’t see,

but to get through,

you’re going to have to move. 

 

~me

 

KJ

Living Life...

While you're in it, life seems epic. Fiery, tenuous, and unpredictable. But once you have some distance from it, everything seems to shrink, until it's almost out of focus.

When you look back over your life, or try to put it down on paper, You can see more of it now than ever before. And yet it seems somehow diminished. Humble. Almost old-fashioned. So you begin scanning your life, looking for something interesting or beautiful. You see an ordinary house, with an ordinary yard, on an ordinary street. It looks smaller than you remember. You once had wild dreams and obstacles and risks looming all around you, but now they look smaller too.

You remember giants and goddesses and villains, but all you see is ordinary people assembled in their tiny classrooms and work-spaces, each of us moving around in little steps, like tokens on a game board. No matter how many times you rolled the dice, it was always these little moves, here and there. Do a little work. Take a little rest. Make a little friend. Throw a little party. Feel a little boredom. Have a little rebellion. There are so many of these token moments that were supposed to represent some other thing. You keep adding them all up, as if there was something you forgot to count, some stash of glory that fell off the back of a truck.

You may love the life you have for everything it is, and even though you know it isn't groundbreaking; you wouldn't change a thing. Maybe when you first started building the life you wanted, you left plenty of room for what might happen, and somehow lost track of what was happening.

Or maybe you were never 'in it' to begin with. Maybe you knew even then that this wasn't the world you expected. A world so low and common you tried to keep your distance, floating somewhere above it, where nobody else could look down on this life you built.

Nobody else but you.

kj 

Learning to Love Yourself

1. Treat other people with kindness and respect. Choosing to bring joy to other people’s lives will increase your happiness and self-respect. Also, often when we treat other people well, they start to treat us in the same way, too.

2. Learn to let go of what happened in the past. You deserve a new start and a fresh beginning. We’ve all messed up and experienced bad things. So, don’t allow these memories to rob you of your future. You’re not just a victim of your past. Acknowledge and work through any negative emotions – then put them behind you and start to live again.

3. Work on forgiving yourself. Related to point 2, don’t punish yourself for past failings and regrets. Instead, see them as a lesson, and a chance to learn and grow. Don’t ridicule, demean or devalue yourself. That was then – this is now … You are different - so move on.

4. Keep a journal where you write your thoughts and feelings. When you’re feeling positive, try to appreciate those emotions. When you’re feeling negative, try to show some self-compassion, and seek to be gentle and kind to yourself. You need to work on validating and affirming yourself – not treating yourself like your worst enemy.

5. Be persistent as you work on accepting yourself. A key part of love is unconditional acceptance. Work on loving who you are right now. Only then will you be able to work on changing – because you’re able to accept who you are at the core.

6. Trust yourself. You’re not here to please others. Learn to trust your intuition.

7. Practice saying “no”. It’s okay to say “no” without feeling guilty. You have the right to decide what you’ll do with your life.

8. Practice receiving and accepting love from others. Know you’re worthy of love – and other people really mean it when they say that you matter, and they love and care for you.

KJ 

How to Know Yourself Better

1. If you could change one aspect of your life or personality, what would it be? 

2. Are you “your own person” or are you defined and pushed around by others?

3. Is there any area of your life where you feel out of control? 

4. Do you feel more comfortable in an organized or chaotic environment? 

5. How comfortable are you with spontaneous ideas, or a last-minute change in plans? 

6. Do you feel renewed by being around others, or is it crucial for you to have time on your own? 

7. Are you motivated, or undermined, by competition? 

8. Do you work well under pressure, or do you tend to fall apart? 

9. Are you better at praising and complimenting others, or at consciously affirming and building yourself up? 

10. Are you a morning or an evening person? 

11. Do you persevere, or do you give up easily? 

12. Do you like to go with the flow, or take control of your own life? 

13. Are you more of a thinker or a feeler? 

14. What are your passions and goals? 

15. What would your perfect day look like?

KJ