Do wrong beliefs stress you out?

Often the thoughts we carry round in our head, and our basic beliefs about the way things should be, are a source of unnecessary stress. Here are some examples:

1. Demand for Approval: This is the belief that others must always treat us well. We must have love or approval all the time, from every single person who matters to us, or else we feel we’re worthless and unlovable.

2. High Self Expectations: This is the belief that we must always succeed, and even excel, in everything we do, or it means that we are a failure and we don’t have any value.

3. Dependency: This is the belief that we can’t cope on our own. We need to lean on others to help us all the time, and we can’t be independent and make our own decisions.

4. Helplessness: This is the belief that the events in our past have determined our future and the goals that we can set. That is, we think we’re helpless victims and that is why we have these problems.

5. Emotional Control: This where we give control to other people, and say that they are the ones who make us feel the way we do. If only they were different then we wouldn’t feel this way.

6. Personal Idealism: This is the belief that other people and the world must always be predictable, and fair and just.

7. Problem Avoidance: This is the belief that problems make life hard and should be avoided whenever possible. We don’t believe they are central for developing new skills, resilience, perseverance and character.

8. We Must Be Free from Anxiety at All Times (Discomfort Anxiety): This is the belief that we can’t cope with feeling anxious, nervous, worried or uncomfortable. Instead, life should be stress free so I don’t have to have these feelings.

9. Perfectionism: This is the belief that there is a perfect answer, or that there is only one solution, to the problems I am facing. Consequently, I’m frightened to act in case I make a mistake.

10. Over Caring: This is the belief that I must become upset and show that I care when others are upset, or it means that I am heartless and I lack compassion.

 TJ