Kevin Jackson - FAMILY TRADITION

Understanding People

If I understand you, then I can be more accurate in my interactions with you.

Understanding another person is perhaps the second most difficult thing to do (the most difficult thing is understanding yourself).

People are driven by complex and deep motivations, that if you can understand you can support and shape.

They have limited capabilities and are shaped by past events in their lives - many of the early ones of which may have been, at the time, traumatic.

They infer meaning that is different from what is really happening and formulate intent using faulty logic and decision processes.

They have differing preferences that lead them to behave as different 'personality types'.

...and all you need to do is understand all this.

What's can you do???

I'm glad you asked!

Always spend as much time as possible trying to understand people so that you can explain their past actions and predict their likely future actions.

Demonstrating your understanding, when coupled with care and concern, is a powerful way of building trust.

When talking with them, use the same language and models as they do, so they can understand what you say in their own terms.

You can also use your understanding to build tension and, therefore, persuade them.

TJ

7 Reasons Why We Do What We Do

Aristotle said in his book, Rhetoric:

'Thus every action must be due to one or other of seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reasoning, anger, or appetite.'

He suggests that all actions are due either to emotion or reason and that we seek pleasant things and act to reduce pain, and he predates Freud's pleasure-pain principle by over 2000 years.

Chance

Chance events affect us all the time, and although some have little effect in changing what we do, a number of others force us to act or otherwise motivate us into action.

'The things that happen by chance are all those whose cause cannot be determined, that have no purpose, and that happen neither always nor usually nor in any fixed way.'

Nature

Natural forces are those 'originating in the body, such as the desire for nourishment, namely hunger and thirst' as well as other things, like the desire to procreate.

'Those things happen by nature which have a fixed and internal cause; they take place uniformly, either always or usually.'

Compulsions

Compulsion occurs when we feel that we must act, even though we may not want to act on the compulsion. This may be conformity with the law or dysfunctional obsessive-compulsive behavior.

'Those things happen through compulsion which take place contrary to the desire or reason of the doer, yet through his own agency.'

Habit

Habit is automatic action, and Aristotle said 'Acts are done from habit which men do because they have often done them before.' Although compulsion is unpleasant and un-useful repetition of action, habit is pleasant and generally useful.

'Habit, whether acquired by mere familiarity or by effort, belongs to the class of pleasant things, for there are many actions not naturally pleasant which men perform with pleasure, once they have become used to them.'

Reasoning

Aristotle points out that rational and reasoned action are to defined ends, achieving something that serves personal goals.

'Actions are due to reasoning when, in view of any of the goods already mentioned, they appear useful either as ends or as means to an end, and are performed for that reason.'

He also notes that when we act in a way that we believe to be rational then we also believe that it is good.

'Rational craving is a craving for good, i.e. a wish -- nobody wishes for anything unless he thinks it good. Irrational craving is twofold, viz. anger and appetite.'

Anger

Sometimes interpreted as 'passion', anger can lead to extreme action.

Anger is closely related to revenge, and anger curiously lessens when there is no prospect of vengeance.

"To passion and anger are due all acts of revenge...no one grows angry with a person on whom there is no prospect of taking vengeance, and we feel comparatively little anger, or none at all, with those who are much our superiors in power."

Appetite

Sometimes interpreted as 'desire', appetite is 'craving for pleasure'.

Although anger serves negative motivation, 'Appetite is the cause of all actions that appear pleasant'.

Aristotle pointed out that wealth or poverty is not a cause of action, although the appetite for wealth may well motivate.

'Nor, again, is action due to wealth or poverty; it is of course true that poor men, being short of money, do have an appetite for it, and that rich men, being able to command needless pleasures, do have an appetite for such pleasures: but here, again, their actions will be due not to wealth or poverty but to appetite.'

So,

These are all motivations that drive people in different ways, and some people are more affected by some causes than by others.

If you can understand how the causes affect people in specific ways, then you may be better able to influence them and motivate them effectively. 

TJ

When You’re Trying to Figure out your Life Remember...

We can't predict the future; we don’t know what lies ahead. All we can ever do is try to figure out a plan. 

Our friends and our parents don’t know the future either. Our life is OURS to live – don’t let ANYONE plan it for you. 

Enjoy what’s happening now; hang out, and do things with your friends...make the most of “now”. 

Uncertainty and change are a big – normal – part of life. So, learn to become comfortable with “not knowing right now.” 

Procrastination, although common, can really stop you from succeeding. Just take a step and act – regardless of the way you feel. 

 
You need to learn to focus – and ignore all distractions – otherwise, you’ll never really progress or succeed. 
 

Life is full of lots of chances – you can usually try again – or try another option if you mess things up this time.

TJ

Are you Addicted to Approval?

Signs of being addicted to approval include:

You are very aware of the expectations of others. They also affect how you feel about yourself.

You are constantly worried about how others view you / what they are thinking about you.

You choose NOT to do things that others don’t approve of for fear of judgment and rejection.

You DO things you don’t want to do because you fear others making fun or you, putting you down, or talking about it.

You feel anxious and upset if you think you have upset or irritated someone – and desperately try to make things right.

You think the views and opinions of others are more informed and valuable than yours.

You agree when others criticize and put you down. Then you start to attack and feel ashamed of yourself.

You reject yourself if other people reject you.

TJ

Actions have Consequences

 

There is no reset button in life. 

You can’t take anything back, and you can’t undo anything. 

All of your actions have consequences, and the things you say and do today will have a lasting impact on the rest of your life.

You have to understand that, and you have to be aware of it while making both small and big decisions throughout your day.

Unknown 

 

TJ