Oh, The Sky Is Falling! Really?

When we predict how long we will feel about some event, we tend to over-estimate the duration of the emotional impact. Whatever our emotions, although we have ups and downs, we tend to return to a neutral 'home' position within a relatively short time. 

Because of our Durability Bias we tend to overestimate the length and/or the intensity of how we will feel about something in the future. This may be caused by focalism (def - a cognitive bias that describes the common human tendency to rely too heavily on the first piece of information offered (the "anchor") when making decisions.), where people focus too much on the event in question and not enough on other future events.

Research has discovered that football fans were less likely to over-predict how long the outcome of a football game would influence their happiness if they first thought about how much time they would spend on other future activities.

I think about how I would feel if my wife left me. I suspect I would feel very upset and believe I would feel this way for a long time to come. The fact that I might meet someone else before long and change how I feel does not come into my thinking. (If my wife is reading, this is JUST an EXAMPLE :))

What do we do to get past this faulty thinking?

Getting people to think about other events that will happen in the future and how they will react to these will reduce their misperception about how long feelings about current events might last.

You can also do this by getting people to think only about the over-arching impact of a desirable/undesirable event and how long the feelings about this will last.

When thinking about how long you will feel about something, think about the possibilities of other events changing how you feel right now.

If it all sounds contorted and/or complicated it’s not.

We can sum it up in this way: 

Do not let the temporary distract you from the long-term. 

When you were young breaking up with a girl/boy friend seemed like the end of the world. 

Did it actually end?

Just asking… 

TJ

The Past

When you hear people from my past speak of me, keep in mind they are speaking of a person they don’t even know any more.

I have wounds that never show externally that are far deeper and more painful than any wound that bleeds.

Sometimes you just have to turn around, smile, throw the match, and burn that bridge.

TJ

Have You Become Emotionally Numb?

When we experience mild to severe feelings of detachment to the point it’s hard for us to access normal feelings any more, in that moment we are experiencing emotional numbness.

This includes both positive and negative emotions because you can’t just shut off one feeling. Common causes of emotional numbness include different types of stress and/or pain… from receiving bad news … to being in an accident … to recovering from the death of someone close … to a relationship breakup … to feeling deeply humiliated or ashamed.

So how do you overcome emotional numbness?

1. The first thing to do is to choose to value and accept all emotions – no matter what they are. Also, try and grasp the fact that suppressing your emotions will likely lead to heartache and problems later on (because they will more than likely resurface at inappropriate times.)

2. Try to understand that feelings and actions are two very different, and unrelated, things. That is, you can still feel angry without becoming violent – so don’t assume your feelings will affect your actions, too.

3. Try to figure out the message behind intense emotions. Are you angry because you’ve been hurt, used or abused? Are you sad because deep down you feel that you’ll never find true love - as you can’t believe that anyone will love you for who you really are below the surface?

4. Take that risk – and find the courage to ask someone for help. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know that there are those who genuinely love you – like a true and caring friend. The important thing remember is to not isolate yourself, and to make the extra effort to prioritize self-care. You need other people to help you work through this.

5. Seek professional help if the symptoms persist. There are excellent counselors and therapists out there who have the training and skills to help you to shake the numbness off – so you can live a more fulfilling and healthy life.

6. Be patient with yourself. It’s likely to take time because you will need to learn to trust, and take some barriers down, so you can be yourself again (and that is often hard to do when you’ve experience hurt and pain).

TJ

The Road to Success

It will hurt.

It will take time and effort.

It will require commitment.

It will require perseverance.

You will need to keep on making make healthy decisions.

It will require pain and sacrifice.

You will need to push yourself to the max at times.

There will be tough days and discouragement.

There will be temptations that you’ll have to push against.

But it will all be worth it – and you’ll get there in the end.

TJ