Often the thoughts we carry round in
our head, and our basic beliefs about the way things should be, are a
source of unnecessary stress. Here
are some examples:
1. Demand for Approval: This is the belief that others must always treat
us well. We must have love or approval all the time, from every single person
who matters to us, or else we feel we’re worthless and unlovable.
2. High Self Expectations: This is
the belief that we must always succeed, and even excel, in everything we do, or
it means that we are a failure and we don’t have any value.
3. Dependency: This is the belief
that we can’t cope on our own. We need to lean on others to help us all the
time, and we can’t be independent and make our own decisions.
4. Helplessness: This is the belief
that the events in our past have determined our future and the goals that we
can set. That is, we think we’re helpless victims and that is why we have these
problems.
5. Emotional Control: This where we
give control to other people, and say that they are the ones who make us feel
the way we do. If only they were different then we wouldn’t feel this way.
6. Personal Idealism: This is the
belief that other people and the world must always be predictable, and fair and
just.
7. Problem Avoidance: This is the
belief that problems make life hard and should be avoided whenever possible. We
don’t believe they are central for developing new skills, resilience,
perseverance and character.
8. We Must Be Free from Anxiety at All
Times (Discomfort Anxiety): This is the belief that we can’t cope with
feeling anxious, nervous, worried or uncomfortable. Instead, life should be
stress free so I don’t have to have these feelings.
9. Perfectionism: This is the belief
that there is a perfect answer, or that there is only one solution, to the
problems I am facing. Consequently, I’m frightened to act in case I make a
mistake.
10. Over Caring: This is the belief
that I must become upset and show that I care when others are upset, or it
means that I am heartless and I lack compassion.
TJ
