7 Questions to Help You Change Your Life

1. If you had all the money in the world, how would you choose to spend your life?

2. What makes, and when do, you lose yourself…and later realize that you lost all track of time?

3. What lifts your spirits on a dark day?

4. When you are old, and you look back on your life, what things will matter to you the most?

5. What are 3 things that you really hope to achieve in life?

6. What kind of person do you want to be?

7. Who would you say is a role model for a life well-lived?

TJ

7 Secrets of Adulthood

1. We often learn the most from our mistakes in life.

2. You’ll never be happy living someone else’s dream.

3. Although it’s nice to have the approval of others, it doesn’t lead to lasting happiness.

4. People are more important than stuff.

5. It is hard to rebuild a lost reputation.

6. There are no short cuts to success in this life – it all comes down to effort and hard work.

7. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

TJ 

Vincit omnia veritas.
Translation: "Truth conquers all."

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7 Things We Need To Start Doing

1. Spend more time with the right kind of people.
That is, the kind of people who value and accept you, and will always love you unconditionally.

2. Don’t ignore your problems. They won’t just go away.
You need to face and confront them.

3. Decide to be yourself, with your own identity.
Don’t live to please others, it only leads to grief!

4. Instead of focusing on failure, see it simply as a lesson.
We all make mistakes. It’s what you do after you make a mistake that really counts.

5. Be nicer and much more understanding with yourself.
Choose to cut yourself some slack and try to be less critical.

6. Enjoy and appreciate the blessings in your life.
We often overlook the fact that there are plenty of things that have gone right!

7. Help others believe in themselves.
You can make a difference in another person’s life.


TJ

How to Feel More Content With Life

1. Take a moment to be grateful for something. What in your life is good, or makes you happy? Even if everything seems to be bad, there must be at least one good thing. Find something, and begin by being grateful for that.

2. Catch yourself thinking, “This sucks.” It’s amazing how often people think this thought. It might be in different words, but if you catch yourself going down that road, stop and try and reverse the thinking. Find a way to see something good or beneficial in your situation.

3. Find the little things that bring you joy. Find the simple things that make you happy, and focus on those rather than on what is wrong, or what you don’t have.

4. Identify things about yourself that you’re actually happy with. We tend to criticize and put ourselves down. Try and break that habit by asking yourself, “What do I do right? What am I good at? Make a list, and keep adding to every day. Then, start to focus on those things rather than on the negatives.

5. Use the same approach with others in your life. Instead of attacking them, or focusing on their flaws and shortcomings, ask yourself, “What is good about this person? What do I like about them?”

TJ

Ethical Decision-Making

I believe that most people do not necessarily have an interest in doing what is ethical, but they are enamored with doing what makes them happy. In ministry when ethics have come to the forefront of the conversation, people, almost without fail, start with themselves and what they want in a particular situation. By far the most common starting place is happiness. Most people I engage in conversation want to be happy. The problem begins when we use happiness as a foundation for ethics. I do not believe most people consciously start with a mindset that says “I’m going to be self-centered,” but time after time that is the reality of what they are saying whether they know it or not. To reach their ethical decisions they will rationalize situations. That form of thinking, at best is veiled self-interest. 

TJ

Christmas Party Piano by Boyce Hawkins

Great Classic Christmas Music. 

You will want to hear this!!!

Aviodance or Attraction

Some people are motivated more by doing things, whilst others are motivated more by avoiding things. 

Attraction

People who are driven towards doing things tend to have positive goals and seek to achieve specific things. They are forward-looking and see the world as being full of opportunity. They generally have a passion and desire to succeed in order to gain either specific rewards or general recognition. To achieve this, they are more open and ready to explore new experiences.

They focus is largely on the future and when they have achieved something they may even forget about it in the headlong charge into further challenges.

Some people have problems with this in that they are attracted to too many things. They dart from one opportunity to another, seeking gratification all over the place. They may be looking for something and they may not yet know what they want.

Avoidance

Those who are driven to avoid things something look like they are attracted to the things they are actually doing, but they are actually looking more over their shoulder than in front of them. For example people who are very energetic at work may be driven more by a worry about failure or criticism than by an attraction towards achievement.

Those who are avoidance-driven focus more by their fears than their desires (which may well be fears in disguise). They may also be more prone to disgust. They may well also be more closed to the world, avoiding problems simply by keeping the doors to their world closed.

Avoidance can be a high-stress preference. We may be generally driven by attraction when things are going well, but when we are threatened or otherwise experience high levels of stress, we may use an avoidance strategy to get away from that discomfort.

A problem with avoidance when compared to attraction is that there are many directions in which to run away from something, yet only one way you can run towards something. Motivating a person by triggering avoidance is not necessarily a helpful approach.

Discussion

Attraction and avoidance are related to the fight-or-flight response, where attraction and fighting lead to moving towards a target, while avoidance and flight are about moving away from it. The major difference is that fight and flight are immediate and unthinking reactions to threat. Attraction and avoidance often have cognitive elements and may well be both slower and more persistent over time.

In a similar way, attraction and avoidance are related to pleasure and pain. In particular, we are attracted to pleasurable activities and avoid painful experiences. 

 
Therefore:

For those who are driven by attraction, seek their passions and lay opportunity in their path. They will swoop towards what you are offering.

For those driven by avoidance, point out the problems of the past and the dangers of the present. Show them a future where they can at least avoid the worst of the problems they face.

When you have a choice, be a shepherd. A sheep runs in any direction to get away from a sheepdog, making it work extra hard, whilst it runs towards the shepherd who stands in one place and calls them.

TJ

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving - Thanksgiving

Open is Happy

Ontology is 'the metaphysical study of the nature of being and existence'. This whole field of study considers what it is to be. We don't just exist: we exist in external contexts in the world. We also exist in internal contexts, where our state of mind frames and changes everything else we perceive. And the great thing about consciousness and human volition is that you can choose your ontological state. In other words, you can decide how you will be. This does not mean you can be happy 100% of the time just by deciding it. Deliberately being in any given state takes a degree of will and work. You can decide to be happy and, with enough skill and effort, be happy significantly more of the time than you would be otherwise. Many of us live in a state of closure, where any new ideas are ignored, criticized or otherwise pushed away. Closure is a state where the doors of the mind are, literally, closed. It is a state where defending existing ideas, beliefs, values, mental models and so on is the prime response. A good argument is one where you win and the opponents (who are always wrong) lose. Being closed is, in some ways, comfortable. It is staying with what is seen as the tried and true. However it is also a state of embattlement, where you are constantly having to repel boarders.  People who are mostly closed seek like-minded people, where there is a tacit agreement not to challenge ideas. In fact much of the conversation is spent reinforcing those ideas and scoffing at the rest of the world. Their lives are as predictable as they are comfortably numb, with emotions held at arms length and meaningless habits the sole source of sustenance. To be open is to live with a sense of curiosity, where every moment is an opportunity for learning, where existing ideas, mental models and beliefs are temporary and flexible. What others have to say is always interesting, and a good dialogue is one where you learn something new or are persuaded to think differently in some way. Being open means seeing things both as they really are (as opposed to through the lens of fixed though) and also as how they could be. The world is seen as alive, dynamic and full of opportunity. Being open is exciting and interesting. It can also be tiring when you have been drinking at the hosepipe of discovery for too long. Being open does need rest periods, when you can digest your new learning, integrating it into your current (though loose) models of understanding. Being open does not necessarily mean never being closed, but it does mean being open by default and being in that state for most of the time. People who are mostly open seek new experiences and conversation with strangers. Their friends may be highly diverse and the company they frequent is likely to be others who are also open to challenging thought. Their lives do have pattern, though the patterns are of exploration and difference rather than similarity and similarity. TJ

How to Deal with Rejection

1. Remind yourself of who you really are – and use positive self-talk to change the way you feel.

2. When you have to speak to someone who outwardly rejects you try to act as if you love and feel good about yourself. Fake courageous feelings, and act self confident. (“Fake it till you make it” – and you’ll find your feelings change.)

3. Respond in a friendly, self-respecting way and they’re likely to treat you the same way too. Control your interactions by setting the tone. You will be the one with the upper hand.

4. Use humor in uncomfortable and awkward situations. Humor defuses tension, and puts people at ease. If someone is rude or insulting try to find a way of turning it into a joke. People who have bullying tendencies expect you to get anger or act in a defensive way. When you respond with humor, they don’t know what to do.

5. Overlook small stuff. It’s not worth get upset over every little thing. They’re not worth the effort and energy.

6. Always believe in yourself. You know the truth about who you really are. You’re not stupid; you’re not a victim. You are one who is charge of your life. You have plenty of things to feel good about.


TJ

Leadership 101 Continued...

USE THE LINK BELOW AND LEARN!
Must read article for ANYONE in a LEADERSHIP role

TJ

How to Improve your Confidence

1. Be willing to fail more often because that means you’re taking on more challenges, and being prepared to try, learn and grow. 

 

2. Keep track of improvements, positive changes, successes, growth and accomplishments. Write them down.

3. Don’t compare yourself to other people. The only person you’re competing against is yourself. Also, DO NOT compare your struggles with other peoples’ successes and high points.

4. Work on your posture and your fitness levels. They affect our appearance, and how we feel about ourselves.

5. Don’t just hang out with people you are comfortable with. Also, intentionally gravitate towards those who are new or different.

6. We’re influenced by those that we spend time with. So, make friends with people who have values and exhibit good character.

7. Be a true friend to yourself – and shut off any commentary that is negative, attacking and lacking in compassion.

8. Commit to practicing these different skills because they’ll take root in time, and change the way you act and feel.

TJ

Are You A Confident Person

1. You know who you are, what you want from life, where you are going, and the steps to take you there.

2. You’re highly motivated by your dreams, your goals and passions.

3. You’re in touch with your emotions, and are highly self aware.

4. You can calm yourself down when strong emotions have been stirred.

5. You are positive and focused, and you always persevere.

6. You are flexible, adaptable, and like to stretch and grow.

7. You accept yourself and others, and are honest and empathic.

8. You value others’ contributions and you see the best in them.

TJ

Success

At some point there is NO EXCUSE.

Either you want to do EVERYTHING it takes to MAKE it happen or you don’t.

 

 

TJ